Save The World's Largest Rectal Thermometer *OR* How Bun Boy Nearly Killed Me

Happy New Year from your friends at Downward Brent Lee, your internet headquarters for everything Brent Lee related. Yup, it's a small store, but we are potent. Like skunk spray.

With a new year comes new responsibilities. Your friends at Downward Brent Lee will try to update with a bit more regularity, but we promise nothing. Brent will take on new responsibilities as a new father to little Carl. Let's see how awkward he can make holding a baby look.

2013 brings some interesting news, one of the favorite topics here at Downward Brent Lee is in danger and needs our help. I'm not talking about Vanilla Ice, I think he is doing fine turning hipster and remodeling homes. No, I'm talking about the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer in beautiful Baker, CA. Situated in the middle of the drive between Las Vegas and Los Angeles, the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer stands as a beacon to all that is good to be found in Baker. I can tell you from experience though, that it does not point to Bun Boy, the world's only hamburger laced with radioactive waste. As mentioned in previous posts, Greg and this author ventured to the Bun Boy to partake in their widely advertised burgers. Not only did it take 30 minutes to bring a burger to our table (there were only 6 people in the restaurant), but somehow this burger was burned to a near-coal-like texture and retained heat as only a ceramic pot coming out of the kiln could. And somehow, through a legitimate miracle, that heat stayed with it as it was forced down our collective throat and settled, like a hot coal, in the stomach. This author had never wanted to get to Vegas so quickly in his life.

Back to the topic at hand, next door to the world's most reactive burger, stands the mighty edifice of the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer. It stands to tell travelers that the desert is either really freakin' hot or downright freezing. There seems to be no in-between.

The sad news here folks is that this unneeded structure is being sold. You can get a thermometer, some land, and a gift shop all for $1.75 million. It's a bargain at twice the price. What else says "Welcome to the World, Little Carl!" like a giant thermometer that can be seen from the I-15? Nothing, I tell you, nothing! So B, you must buy this and put it in your front yard.

Three stacks, a rock, and a giant thermometer!

Let's save this great landmark and relocate the thing to the beautiful central coast of California.

Prepping For Carl *OR* How To Write A Blog On Little Sleep

Don't get used to the double posts in one week, I can't imagine that this will happen again. However, we here at Downward Brent Lee are working on little sleep and we wanted to experiment with what kind of crummy blog post we could write while under the influence of night. See, what does that even mean; "under the influence of night"? Stellar stuff. I hope that all the professional bloggers out there are paying attention.

The home office was a little disruptive last night, both Downward children were upset at various points of the evening. One thought that midnight would be a good time to need some attention. Then the other one thought that while you try to put her down that she would scream as if some creepy child just joined them on a Brazilian elevator.

They basically took turns seeing which parent would snap first. The joke is on them, we snapped long before they came along!

The best way to combat this lack of sleep is to just go for it. Sure, commute that 45 minutes on busy freeways in heavy fog, that seems about right. Find as many important documents you can write while at work. Better yet, find some heavy machinery to operate.

What does all of this mean for Radio (Brent & Corrin)? It means welcome to a life that is no longer your own. You will become slaves to the whims of your hungry and/or pooping children. Don't get me wrong, there are some good times, like when you get away for a weekend or the kids sleep all day, but other than that....um....yup, I've got nothing.

 

Let's see, did we accomplish what we set out to with this blog update? I doubt it and honestly, the mark of a serious blogger is the lack of passion for their project. I think we've nailed that!

And We're Back *OR* How Paul Made This Happen

Well friends, it has been about 9 months since we last posted anything here on Downward Brent Lee, and, gosh darnit, we didn't miss a thing. The home office was cleaned out and we finally got rid of the monkey problem.

We've been taking our well deserved post-wedding break. Heck, we even resisted the temptation to blog about Toni & Chris during their wedding ramp up. But we remembered that we are here for B & Corrin (or Radio as they have been coined). Oh, I could talk about the fact that this writer spent nearly two months as a single dad or how this writer now has a beautiful daughter to go along with his son, but we won't.

Enough dilly and certainly enough dally, let's get to business!

Those of you on the interwebs have probably already heard that Radio is expecting a child later this year! Congrats to Radio, we are all excited to watch our crew continue to grow. Of course, this now means that any meetings between us all must be conducted at Chuck E. Cheese's.

"Psst, hey kid, there's better food over there"

Now, I must admit that I was a bit disappointed that there are not going to be triplets right off the bat, but there is always next time. So the question becomes, do they name the child Carl, Abernathy, or Bernard? I'm still rooting for Carl, as it seems only appropriate after all the work I have done.

When word first got out, this office offered cash to Radio to not find out if it was a boy or girl, and even more cash if they promised to name it Carl. Sadly, some people could not wait 7 months to find out what they were having and they ruined the surprise. That's fine, I guess they are just so rich that they don't need the immense financial backing of Downward Brent Lee.

So thanks to Paul for cleaning up the place and taking the cobwebs off of Downward Brent Lee. It's good to be back. I can guarantee that we've all gotten fatter and lazier, so don't expect a Christmas miracle, but there will be some posts. Especially since we are headed back to Vegas. Stay tuned!

Last Post Of 2011 *OR* Why Change When I'm Perfect?

You didn't think I could let 2011 slip by without one more blog post, did you? I know that this blog has gone from multiple postings in a week to maybe 2 a month, but such is the life of a lonely blogger. I bet you can picture it now, surrounded by empty bags of potato chips listening to endless dance music in a poorly lit room surrounded by banks of computers and researchers bringing me facts and Red Bull.

Luckily for everyone, you would be wrong. I have a tiny alcove in a living room and I drink water. So there!

With the end of 2011, it comes time to make resolutions for the new year. Ways in which we can improve ourselves and not repeat the failures of past years. Yet, as I look back I realize that I'm perfect. I have been groomed well (in both senses of the word), I'm an intelligent fellow, I can use the word fellow without it seeming pompous, and there is nothing about me that needs changing. Full of myself you ask? Nope, just confident that I do not need to change.

Since I don't need any modification, let's move on to the happy couple, shall we? And as we all know that women know everything and don't need to change (um, yeah....), let's focus on B. So here is a list of resolutions that I have compiled for B for 2012.

• Stop licking envelopes for fun. The danger of a papercut is simply too much.
• Be sure to send more cash to my groomsdudes. $250/week should do it.
• Learn to embrace the idea that dinner does not need to be eaten at 4:30pm. 
• Triplets! B is going to father triplets in 2012. Need I remind you of their names? Abernathy, Bernard, and Carl.
• Help Vanilla Ice reclaim his star status. Encourage him to get a morning talk show. Show the happy side of Mr. Ice.
• Stop being afraid of cities larger than 5,000 people. Los Angeles is a fine place to visit.
• Let the subscription to Oprah's magazine not get renewed. Move on to Rachel Ray.
• Stop crying at the end of "Wall-E."
• Eat more shrimp.
• Wear more Ed Hardy.
• Dance like no one is watching. But know that we are.
• Grow a cool firefighter/80's porn star mustache.
• Start calling Corrin by her pet name: "Batgirl."
• Did he write those checks to his groomsdudes yet? A wire transfer will be fine.
• Listen to a little less Celine Dion and move on to Enya or John Tesh.

This is a good start for 2011. There may be more, but at the rate I blog, I doubt it. See you in 78 days!

I Can Be Fat Spiderman *OR* Tranquilizer Darts Do Work

I've mentioned here once or twice that, like Spiderman I have a great responsibility. Sadly, Spiderman is not my favorite comic character. That honor goes to Batman. Don't let it go to your head Bruce Wayne (that's right, I know who you are!). Oh, but back to the actual responsibility, I am talking about being a groomsdude in THE wedding of 2012, and heck, let's add 2013 because absolutely nothing interesting will happen that year, aside from B and Corrin having the triplets (YIPEE for Carl!).

Even fat Spidermen can kick butt.

I have had to don the rented tuxedo before in two other weddings and, if I do say myself, I looked damn good (try to refute it). My main responsibilities were to show up and not make a fool of myself. Pretty easy task really.

Now, as a groomsdude, I have some other things to do. In Paul's wedding I had to tape the name "Ernesto" to the back of his coat. Yes, this is true. But before you think, "huh?", you need to know that there was also a shamrock taped to the back as well, just to keep it classy. I recall having to drive Paul's truck to about four different locations for some various reason. Even that I did with style and class. Basically I had to stand there during the ceremony and make sure that Paul didn't make a quick dash for the door. To make my job easier, we pumped Paul full of tranquilizers before (sorry Michelle, makes for a groggy wedding night).

Paul needed a timeout.

With Greg's wedding it involved standing around his Taurus SHO and taking pictures looking like a badass. Again, pretty easy when you are posing next to this piece of "American" muscle.

The ceremony consisted of a lot of standing up and then sitting back down. There were also about 52 groomsdudes, so the 'responsibilities' were a bit dilluted.

So onto B. What do we have to do with this wedding? There are 3 groomsdudes at last count, but I think there are 61 bridesmaids, so I am not sure how that is going to work. Yes, we have the bachelor party to plan, which is already under control to a degree. And then we have to make sure B gets dressed properly on the big day and be at the ready if he were to run. This means I may have to get back into shape. Maybe I can call on fat Spiderman to help us out; he's got webs he can shoot, therefore saving us a lot of energy.

I am sure other tasks me be presented to us as the date nears (less than 300 days now people), but I think I am going to rest up for the big day.

How Dare You *OR* You Can't Say That

To help the casual wedding goer, I am putting together a list of faux pas that should be avoided at any wedding. This will most likely be a two-parter blog entry (like you really care). And since I just write these things without any editing, we'll see where it goes and if we even need a second posting. Can't you tell the production values here are just top notch? I'm like the California budget, I exist, people are worried, but nobody wants to do anything about. Kind of like Lindsay Lohan's career! HA!

So here are some topics and words that you should avoid during the wedding of B and Corrin. Some may be taboo topics and some might just rile the feathers of certain wedding party members (I'm talking about Paul here, he is very sensitive).

• Spooge. This goes without saying. You just can't talk about spooge at a wedding. Gross.
• Gentleman's juice/ gentleman's sausage. See the reasoning above.
• Baby batter. While amusing, it lacks tact. Seriously people, class it up.
• Previous past girlfriends/boyfriends. However, you may bring up Tasha Pounders and Melissa whatever-her-last-name was. I know I do.
• Cows. I think this one speaks for itself.
• Paul's fascination with sheep. We simply can't tackle this love in one wedding.
• This blog. Shh, it is a secret and only 1,600 people seem to know about it. Let's let it be a surprise for B and Corrin.
• Filet-o-Fish from McDonald's. Only bring this up if you want to see Greg and myself get ill. Quickly.
• The Dodgers. Actually, we'll still be in spring training, so we can chat about this if you like.
• The triplets of Abernathy, Bernard and Carl. B seems to be a little touchy about this one.
• Vanilla Ice. I think there may be some trademark infringement about to happen.
• Oprah. I don't like her and neither should you. Simple as that.
• Nuclear holocaust. This is just a downer, why would you bring this up at a wedding?
• States that end in "ucky." I bet you are trying to think of how many states fit that bill. The answer is one. Good work there Carmen San Diego!
• My good looks. I don't want to overshadow B on his wedding day. But to give you a hint, this is typically how I look at weddings:

I LOVE weddings! Don't try to contain my excitement.

• Celine Dion. French-Canadian. Need I say more?
• Don't mention how much cooler this wedding would be if there were fire-throwers.
• Cheese.
• Charlie Sheen's downward spiral of shame and destruction. Granted, he may hit rehab by the time we reach the wedding. Or he may die. Only time will tell. I won't tell you which box I have in my office pool. Granted, it might help if I had an office...ok, off topic there.
• Rebecca Black's awesome music. I hold this dear to my heart and yet people seem to make fun of it. Like this one:

Ok, I think that covers things you shouldn't talk about at the wedding. Next we'll cover what you shouldn't DO at the wedding. I would keep an eye on Paul and Greg. I sense trouble brewing. And don't point your fingers at me, I'm innocent.

You will now note that you can "React" to the blog by checking boxes below. Knock yourself out.

I Touched Greatness *OR* B Sat Next To Me

As we are all aware, Thursday was St. Patrick's Day, when we celebrate some guy named Patrick by coating everything in green. I don't know (or really care) what you did for St. Patrick's Day, but I went to visit some friends. And who was there, you might ask? Well, I was graced by the presence of this blogs' namesake; Brent Lee. The man, the myth, the legend sat next to me as we tried to remain dignified in our friend's home while consuming corned beef and cabbage.

You would think this run-in with greatness would inspire some prolific blog writing. That it might stir the muse inside me. That with a little less than a year until the wedding, I would come up with some amazing blog post about Mr. Lee. Well, you would be wrong.

I did note a few things though, while in his presence.

• He is still not too keen on the name Carl for one of his triplets. In fact, he is not real sold on triplets in the first place.
• He will make faces at babies, but seems a bit uncomfortable holding one.
• He was wearing Timberland boots, which did cause me to recite a Beastie Boys song.
• He thinks we are going to be spending crazy money on his bachelor party. Joke is on him, we are going to need him to sponsor his own shindig.
• I don't want to give away too much, but there may be some gray hair growing around his temples. I can neither confirm nor deny this accusation.

So I've given you four blog entries this week (I think). I am tapped out. Don't expect anything too good next week, I'm lazy.

Resolutions *OR* Light Promises I Am Going To Break This Week

Big happenings here at Downward Brent Lee in 2011. We are starting to gear up for the wedding of the decade, and I'm not talking about Kate & Will (that's the royal couple), nope, I am talking about our namesake, Brent Lee and his fiance Corrin Clark. It is going to take a lot more planning and luckily this blog is here to make sure that once-in-a-lifetime experience will be unforgettable. And in a big announcement, I get to walk the bride down the aisle and give her away.

What's that?
I don't get to do that?
I can't make that kind of a statement?
I had no right to insert myself that way?
But, look at all the work I've done.
Oh, okay, fine, I'll just sit down.

Our real big announcement is that Downward Brent Lee has gone Twitter-riffic! Check it out to the right, we've now got a Twitter feed. So go ahead and follow us as we muse about all things. We'll even expand our bounds and not talk wedding things (do we really only talk wedding things here?).

I do have one bone to pick with my readers, it seems that the things you promised me for Christmas never arrived. I expected a Chevy Camaro and a trip to Duarte. Here it is, January 3rd and I don't have a new car and I had to drive myself to Duarte the other day. Where is the justice? Santa wouldn't do this to me.

It being the new year, it does seem appropriate that I make some blog-specific resolutions. So here they are:

• Less talk about Carl, one of the triplets that B & Corrin will have.
• Fewer mentions about the original white rapper, Vanilla Ice.
• I won't make fun of B any more.
• No more sarcasm on this blog.
• All the pictures will be appropriate for children.
• I won't try to insert myself in the wedding, more than needed of course.

I think there are a few of those that aren't going to make it. Guess you will just have to tune in to see which ones stay and which ones go. Happy 2011 folks.

The Last Post Of 2010

It has been a short year for us here at Downward Brent Lee. We've been posting since October 3, 2010 and we have crested 700 page views. This little ragamuffin blog about some guy's wedding plans has swollen like B's nose after being hit by a baseball...twice. We've done a public service here that will continue on in some fashion all the way to March of 2012 when B and Corrin finally get hitched.

While most blogs do a "Best of 2010" blog entry highlighting the various highs of the year, we're going to skip that. Nope, we're going to prognosticate about what 2011 will bring for B, Corrin, and this humble blog.

• B will buy flowers for Corrin. He probably did something wrong.
• B will drive the Tahoe over 65 mph once.
• Somehow Vegas will play into some vacation plans.
• B and Corrin will fall in love with the name Carl and make future plans for their triplets.
• They will buy a dog and call it Jave, just so they can hit it over the head with a newspaper. Tragic.
• B will dance to the latest Vanilla Ice CD. We will laugh...a lot.
• While frolicking in the ocean, B will be chomped on by a shark, but using his amazing skills, B will turn that shark into an ally and attack the people who did him wrong. Steven Spielberg will option it into a movie starring a plucky young(ish) redhead...Justin! Justin rockets to super-stardom and hangs with Matt Damon, George Clooney, and Scar-Jo. He then tries to make a period piece about the black plague and his career spirals downward. He gets hooked on sugar packets and joins Celebrity Rehab. There are tears and Justin makes good on his promise to himself and his family. He makes a big comeback the next year, a-la Robert Downey Jr., and is the next Batman.

What a great 2011! Have a Happy New Year and remember, keep away from the yellow snow.

On The Eleventh & Twelfth Day Of Christmas

[We made it to twelve!]

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Brent Lee gave to me

12 Bottles of 1997 Georges de Latour Cabernet Sauvignon

11 episodes of Cops

10 pairs of Nikes

9 kids named Carl

8 cereal boxes

7 Vegas cabana stays

6 vodka bottles

5 hot tub guests

4 ex-girlfriends

3 smashed cows

2 Chevy trucks

and a Vanilla Ice CD

On The Ninth & Tenth Day Of Christmas

On the tenth day of Christmas, Brent Lee gave to me
10 pairs of Nikes

9 kids named Carl

8 cereal boxes

7 Vegas cabana stays

6 vodka bottles

5 hot tub guests

4 ex-girlfriends

3 smashed cows

2 Chevy trucks

and a Vanilla Ice CD

Your Favorite Blog...Characters

Can you believe it, we have surpassed 500 visitors to Downward Brent Lee. It seems like it just a few weeks ago we hit 400 visitors. For a blog that has strayed further and further from the original intent, this is impressive. I think we should run down what makes this blog so popular.

• The writing is average
• It rarely stays on topic
• It is really written for about the 5 people who actually know me
• Amazing production value
• Top-notch pictures
• Self-deprecating humor
• The title sounds like a yoga pose
• A blog about wedding planning, who wouldn't want to read?
• I've been able to use Carl in the blog too many times. For a baby that doesn't exist yet, that is pretty good.

 Speaking of Carl, Downward Brent Lee held a poll a week or so ago to see who your favorite blog character is. And again we had a tie. For those familiar with our polls, only 5 people tend to vote and somehow we always end up with a tie. Your favorite blog characters are Vanilla Ice and Carl. I applaud your your results dear readers, you have a real sense of the pulse of the blog reader.

If you are new to Downward Brent Lee, our fascination with Vanilla Ice comes from our namesake, Brent Lee. Not only did he have the Ice Man's tapes in 7th and 8th grade (and beyond?), but he owned a Vanilla Ice t-shirt. I'm not saying that I didn't own some great shirts in my day, but I didn't wear them to school. Only Brent Lee had the steel balls to wear it to school and be proud. What made that day better is that B ran into a pole that day while walking. And only 18 or so years later, B is still reminded of that day.

Talk about your street cred.

 Your other favorite is one of B and Corrin's fictional triplets. I even took the liberty of naming their three sons Abernathy, Bernard, and Carl. This way life is easy for them because the kids are in ABC order. Carl, being the youngest of three sons by only 15 minutes feels like he has a lot to live up to. His can-do attitude and infectious smile can melt the heart of the coldest rapper...Vanilla Ice (see how I tied that together? That's good blog writing right there).

Carl is on the far left.

His parents aren't supposed to have a favorite, but they think that Carl is on the path to success. Bernard is the one that they have to watch out for the most. He has trouble written all over him. He is most likely to be riding in the back of a Chevy S-10 causing problems around a sleepy foothill community. Abernathy will be fine and is going to grow up to be just like his Uncle Paul. You can insert your own joke here. See, we make this blog interactive!

Thanks again for showing up and getting us over 500 visitors. I wish I have 500 real friends to celebrate this occasion with, but I will have to settle for the dust bunny I have been collecting. Have a great weekend and be sure to check in next week.

It Is My Turn To Make It Big

<-------NEW POLL. CHECK IT OUT!


If anyone follows blogs in general and entertainment, you might be aware that many blogs are being turned into books, television series, and movies. Only in America can the ramblings of an angry shut-in who spends all day eating M&Ms and drinking RC Cola get a bigger deal than the $40 a month he was making off his little blog.

Bing Crosby thinks RC Cola tastes best!

What does this mean for Downward Brent Lee? Are we getting picked up by CBS to make a television show like $#*! My Dad Says? No. I can't imagine this would ever become a tv show. Who would play B? I think Ben Savage should play B. Corrin will be played by Danielle Fishel. What can I say? Those kids had chemistry on Boy Meets World, let's bring them back together.

Okay, waaaaay off topic. As mentioned yesterday, Greg thought of a great idea to celebrate the wedding of B and Corrin. How about a Downward Brent Lee book? Yes, you too can recreate the many months of endless blog posting about random topics like Vanilla Ice, Carl, and the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer! This beautiful hardbound book can be yours simply by attending the wedding. At over 200 pages, this will certainly be a page-turner. Page-turner, what a stupid phrase. How else are you going to get through a book other than turning pages? Seriously people. Just like "ice cold." If it was cold as ice, it would be frozen! Think about it.

Back to the book. Let's think of some chapters.

1. The history of B in 4 words or less
2. How to give B crap
3. How to give Paul crap
4. How to give Paul crap about B
5. How Greg & Jave give crap to Paul & B
6. B hit some cows with a firetruck
7. Paul travels, but where is the Shutterfly web album?
8. B gets married- people do the Roger Rabbit
9. Jave tackles a blog
10. All rejoice as B and Corrin get married
11. Where is Carl?

As you can tell, some of these chapters are out of order, but I think I have a good outline going here. Look for the Downward Brent Lee book in your local independent book seller, or Amazon.com.

Thanks as always for stopping by. Click on the links. Tell your friends. Send me cookies.

400 Visitors? Who Knew 400 People Would Want To Read Garbage? I Guess That Is How They Sell "People" Magazine.

We have crested 400 visitors to Downward Brent Lee! This is quite the accomplishment. This means one of two things:
1. You really like B and Corrin
2. You find me hilarious

For obvious reasons, mostly due to my ego, we are going with choice #2. Yes, I am funny (looking). Sure, my dry wit may turn people away and my sarcasm may keep them away. However, it seems as though there are a choice few who enjoy this kind of abuse. Come to think of it, this must be why B and I have been friends for 18 or so years. He is a glutton for punishment, luckily Corrin is here to coddle him. (Anyone just notice I was able to use "glutton" and "coddle" in the same sentence?)

I apologize for the lazy posting the last two days, time has been a bit short as I am playing Mr. Mom again. Let me tell you, I look darn good in a house dress.

How to make up for lazy posting and 400 visitors? Let's give you a new post with a fresh idea. Granted, the fresh idea comes from our longtime collaborator, Greg Kathol. I've known Greg for 18 or so years as well and have learned....um....learned how to....hmmm....errrr......grilling technique. Sure, that's it. To return the favor, I will plug the Kathol website: www.pinewoodderbycars.com . This is your one stop shop for pinewood derby cars. You know what, let's just save his idea for tomorrow, I think I just came up with an idea.

Question: How can we get people together at a wedding and get past all the dull kissing and cake cutting than by engaging guests in a race? Answer: BY STAGING A PINEWOOD DERBY!

It is so simple. Mail out kits (from www.pinewoodderbycars.com) with the invitations. Encourage guests to create their own cars and be ready to weigh and race at the reception. Mine would be awesome. I would name it Carl and it would not be rednecky. It might be inspired by Vanilla Ice, it might not be. I want to surprise all of you at the wedding and crush you with my superior abilities to launch a piece of wood on wheels down a track. We could all do some side bets and make some money too. I don't know why this idea hasn't caught on yet.

Ok, I think I may have redeemed myself. Tomorrow we tackle Greg's idea. Thanks to everyone for reading, I really appreciate it. It just makes my ego bigger, but it wasn't big to start with.

Keep clicking on those links and making me rich!

Being Mr. Mom

Once you are married and are starting your family, you have to plan for little Carl, when he arrives. Carl, of course, being the name of your first child, as we have established in previous posts. I am now an expert in parenting with over 2 months of experience, so I feel I have a lot to add.

I have been baby-sitting (or as it should be called, just being dad) a bunch lately while my wife is off working. I get to be Mr. Mom.



No, not the 1983 movie featuring Michael Keaton, who went on to play Batman. But a real-life stay at home dad struggling with the day to day activities that a 2 month old boy needs. The breast-feeding is the worst, I don't think he is getting anything from me (that's a joke, I've got plenty).

So here are some tips for B when he has to take care of Carl while Corrin is out making the big bucks or doing some great community service (that last one was actually sincere folks. Rare on this blog).

• Sleep when you can.
• Be patient. Carl is going to take you to your very last nerve.
• Let the house go. Become a hoarder and get a TLC show.
• Take the kid to the park and the store- those are great places to pick up on women. And what woos a woman more than a baby?
• Dress Carl up in his favorite Johnny Cash shirt. He looks awesome!

• Don't leave Carl alone with the baby powder. 

I'm sure I have other tips. But again, this blog has been half-assed today. Sorry, I've been a bit busy today. Enjoy your day anyways, now that I've ruined it by not giving you the humor you were expecting.

Every Couple Needs Their Names Smashed Together- Poll Results

We've all heard of Brangelina, Beniffer, and other smashed up couple names.

Sometimes it gets a little hard to mash up the names into one cutesy couples name. Take myself for example, I could be part of "Jamanda" or "Amustin" but honestly, neither of those has a ring to it. Luckily, B & Corrin don't have this problem. In our last poll we offered a few options for an awesome couples name for our betrothed-elect. I am happy to announce that we had a tie! So, I guess we should have a run off or something. Naw, skip it, I will just choose. The tie was between "Clee" and "Born." I choose "Clee" mostly because it will be great when they have a kid named Carl.

Next time you are invited to their home or hang out with the engaged pair, be sure to address them as Clee. They need to loose any sense of who they are as individuals and become a single entity for the rest of time.

It will be great when they are announced for the first time once they are married. There will be no need for "Mr. and Mrs. Lee" we can just jump to "Clee."

Even better is the fact that we can ride the popularity of the hit Fox television program, Glee.

I'm thinking we can cross-promote somehow.

Well, we can all tell that I half-assed that blog post. Maybe you'll get lucky later in the week and I will put some effort into it. Enjoy your day folks!

Ice, Ice Baby...Too Cold

Look playa- finally we aren't really talking about Vanilla Ice, I just want his tags to increase on this blog. Like Carl!

Today we're thinking about an ice wedding. Plenty of weddings have had an ice carving to place on the food table, it just brings some elegance. But why? It is a giant hunk of frozen water that has been hacked together by chainsaws and ice picks, nothing elegant about the process.

But as Emeril Lagasse used to say (maybe he still does), "Let's kick it up a notch." Let's do a full ice wedding! Gives new meaning to the term "cold shoulder" ::pause for laugh:: Oooookay. There is a fairly famous ice hotel in Sweden, but I think that is going to be a bit much for some our guests. So north toward Canada it is! Home of state sponsored health care where you only need to wait for 6 months to see a doctor about your cold. Home of 14 year old on the street that (according to Paul) look much older. Home of people very obviously asking if you would like to purchase marijuana "Weed, weed, weed!" Off to Quebec, home of the Canadian Ice Hotel and some French-speaking wine-swilling cheese-heads. Not rednecky at all (YES! I got to use rednecky again!). The Hotel de Glace offers some lovely accommodations and they seem to have a chapel.

It will be up to you to warm yourself up at night while sleeping on a bear-skin on top of blocks of ice. Who doesn't want to stay somewhere where you have to wear a hat at night to keep somewhat warm? Nothing says romantic wedding night like separate sleeping bags (can't make Carl that way).

For $599 Canadian (which I think is like $10,000,000 US), you can have the following as part of the Romance Package:

• A theme suite at the Hôtel de Glace including the Nordic sleeping bag for the night
• A suite with fireplace at Four Points by Sheraton Québec on the same night as your stay at the Hôtel de Glace (luggage, shower, etc.)
• A sparkling ice cider cocktail served in an ice flute
• A gourmet dinner served in the comfort of your suite at Four Points by Sheraton Québec
• A personal valet
• Delicious chocolates await you at the Hôtel de Glace suite after dinner
• Access to the Nordic area's hot tubs and sauna under the stars
• Breakfast at Le Dijon
• Welcome kit
• All gratuities

Does this seem odd that there is so much happening at the Four Points as well? They don't really want you to stay at the Hotel de Glace, do they?

Let's pack up the long johns, break out the fur-lined underwear and leave the sandals at home. We've got a wedding to get to, in Quebec!