It's On Like Donkey Kong *OR* I Need A Fix Of Second-Hand Smoke

The time has arrived for the groomsdudes to accompany Brent Lee to his bachelor party in Las Vegas. Hours of planning has come to this. As with every good bachelor party, there will be some memorable moments. I can't tell you what they are yet because they are a surprise for B, but if you stay tuned to the twitter feed @DownwardBLee, you can stay on top of all the happenings.

In doing my research and trying to find things to do in Las Vegas, I have learned that the following things are required for a bachelor party. With any luck, we will be able to cross them all off the list.

• B must wake up in a pool of his own bodily fluid. It turns out that the type of fluid is not very important.
• Some place that features a neon sign that mentions "GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!" must be frequented.
• Hair gel must be applied in copious amounts.
• Body spray should be substituted for showering.
• Awkwardly sentimental moments must be shared.
• The phrase "your life will never be the same" must be spoken often.
• Grotesque references to private parts should be uttered. (I'm leaving that to Paul)
• B must be humiliated in a public situation.
• Physical violence must occur.
• A moment will be shared where the party-goers will revel while purveying a vista.
• Convertibles should be driven and the phrase "VEGAS BABY!" should be yelled out of said convertible.
• The group must walk shoulder to shoulder in a line in slow motion in front of the Bellagio fountain while a swinging Frank Sinatra song is played.
• B should wake up one late morning in a strange hotel room wondering why his back is so sore only to find out the name "Olga" has been tattooed on his back in very large letters.

I think with all the planning I've got  most of these things covered. And don't worry Corrin, we're only going to hit places with names like "Spearmint Rhino" and "Tropical Lei." I hear they have great buffets there. Oh, and we can't forget B's return to the stage that made his famous...as a member of the Thunder From Down Under. But I am trying to recreate B in this image:

In all seriousness, stay tuned to the Twitter feed, I will live-tweet the weekend and let you honestly know what is going on. It might be this...

You Like Me, You Really Like Me *OR* How To Be Gracious

I had lunch with some friends the other day and the topic of this delightful blog came up. I know what you are thinking, and no, I did not bring it up (I don't think). It was brought to my attention that this blog is the single greatest thing known to mankind and had surpassed the picture of Brent Lee's head on Vanilla Ice's body to get there. Who am I to argue this fact? It was also brought to my attention that we hardly talk about the wedding anymore. Well, Antoinette, that might change in this post. Oh sure, we're off to a bad start. But I have mentioned the groom and the fact that there is a wedding, so I think we're on the right track.

Some people relish time in the spotlight, when all eyes are focused on them and a crowd is captivated simply by who they are or what they are doing. Other people wish that people would stop looking at them and just leave them alone. We're not here to talk about which one I am (the answer might actually surprise you).

As it will be your wedding day B and Corrin (or Radio as I have called them- check an earlier post for why), those people will be staring at you. Now, I know for a fact that half of Radio (B in particular) does not care for much attention. Granted, this doesn't explain why I have seen him run around in a thong (let's just say there was alcohol involved, but I won't say more than that- sorry B). Typically B would prefer to be a wallflower, which is one of the reasons this blog is so freakin' funny, and so is the Twitter feed. In a moment of reflection, I may have to take that all back. B is the guy, who in 7th grade, broke out the Roger Rabbit at a junior high dance. Remember folks, junior high dances were all about how far into the wall you could push your back.

Now, I haven't known Corrin all that long, but I sense that she enjoys a little spotlight here and there. It's a good thing too, because as my wife and I have proved, you can't have two wallflowers.

Of course, this will be magnified at the wedding, as all eyes are on the bride. Every little thing she does, every move she makes.
Person 1: "Did she just wink at someone? Can you DO that at your wedding?"
Person 2: "Relax, I think it was her sister."
Person 1:"Oh, but I think she just hit her new husband."
Person 2:"No, she was wiping salad dressing off his face. Calm down."
Person 1:"I'll try. Wait, she just stopped holding his hand."
Person 2:"OK, knock it off, he is about to do the Roger Rabbit."
Person 1:"Ooooh, I've heard things about his Roger Rabbit."

All those eyes can make you a bit paranoid. Don't let it get to you. Just keep on keeping on. Half of those people won't remember what on earth you did that night. Have fun and tip your waiter. And tip your blog writers too. They have families and huge overheads. Do you know how expensive it is to maintain a free website?

Running Out Of Topics *OR* Blogging Is Hard

Writer's block. I'm not referring to the album by Peter, Bjorn and John (which is a good album), but the idea that sometimes writers just run out of ideas. Tragic really. Here I am, a guy with a mind full of ideas trying to keep this meager little blog running. Simply trying to provide advice for B and Corrin as their wedding date inches closer. Let's be honest, this blogging thing can be difficult, especially when dealing with a finite topic such as a specific wedding. You just can't sit down at the keyboard each time and wait for inspiration to strike, sometimes you have to make inspiration just...hit you...in the face.

So I present to you, my muse, my inspiration...Pepsi!

I bet you thought I would say my son, or my wife. Nope, I prefer to keep my allegiance to a certain carbonated beverage. While my son is pretty awesome and a cute little guy, how can he hold up to the blue can?

You know what? Forget it, how can I resist that face? He's just so cute. Look, he barely has a wrist, it is just a line of baby fat. How can you compete Pepsi? Yup, I didn't think you could.

Ok, so we've established that my son is my inspiration. What has he done for me lately? Hmm, check back this week to find out.

This has been another cop-out post brought to you by the fine folks at Downward Brent Lee. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter @DownwardBLee.

1,000 Views! *OR* How Did I Get So Popular?

Facebook, watch out! Downward Brent Lee is on its way for web domination. At around 2:00pm on Monday, January 17, 2011, The Downward Spiral of Brent Lee had its 1,000th page view. So the crack writing team is popping corks and drinking sparkling cider (no drinking at work) while toasting their newly found success.

A whopping 61 posts, and only 19 references to Vanilla Ice. Scratch that, 20 references now. We will still be talking about wedding ideas for B and Corrin, since that is the entire reason for this blog. But I think we are going to expand a bit. We're thinking about some theme restaurants across the country. Maybe some tie-ins with Starbucks and McDonald's. There is a feature film in the work about the life of a stay-at-home dad and his blogging ways. The biography is being written by Snooki as we speak.

Now that I am more popular than Michael Jackson and Tiny Tim combined, I have some influence in the world.

Tiny Tim...seriously.

Why did I have to wait until I was 31 to become so popular? Why couldn't this happen when I was in high school or college. Where are the groupies now? Argh.

But we here at Downward Brent Lee and the Twitter feed want to thank B and Corrin for their continued good humor about the site. And thanks to our readers for...reading I guess. We'll be back a little later in the week with a post actually related to the wedding (go figure). And behind the scenes, the gears are starting to turn for B's bachelor party. I hope everyone has their passports and burkas ready.

Resolutions *OR* Light Promises I Am Going To Break This Week

Big happenings here at Downward Brent Lee in 2011. We are starting to gear up for the wedding of the decade, and I'm not talking about Kate & Will (that's the royal couple), nope, I am talking about our namesake, Brent Lee and his fiance Corrin Clark. It is going to take a lot more planning and luckily this blog is here to make sure that once-in-a-lifetime experience will be unforgettable. And in a big announcement, I get to walk the bride down the aisle and give her away.

What's that?
I don't get to do that?
I can't make that kind of a statement?
I had no right to insert myself that way?
But, look at all the work I've done.
Oh, okay, fine, I'll just sit down.

Our real big announcement is that Downward Brent Lee has gone Twitter-riffic! Check it out to the right, we've now got a Twitter feed. So go ahead and follow us as we muse about all things. We'll even expand our bounds and not talk wedding things (do we really only talk wedding things here?).

I do have one bone to pick with my readers, it seems that the things you promised me for Christmas never arrived. I expected a Chevy Camaro and a trip to Duarte. Here it is, January 3rd and I don't have a new car and I had to drive myself to Duarte the other day. Where is the justice? Santa wouldn't do this to me.

It being the new year, it does seem appropriate that I make some blog-specific resolutions. So here they are:

• Less talk about Carl, one of the triplets that B & Corrin will have.
• Fewer mentions about the original white rapper, Vanilla Ice.
• I won't make fun of B any more.
• No more sarcasm on this blog.
• All the pictures will be appropriate for children.
• I won't try to insert myself in the wedding, more than needed of course.

I think there are a few of those that aren't going to make it. Guess you will just have to tune in to see which ones stay and which ones go. Happy 2011 folks.