Sunday, July 31, 2011

You Like Me, You Really Like Me *OR* How To Be Gracious

I had lunch with some friends the other day and the topic of this delightful blog came up. I know what you are thinking, and no, I did not bring it up (I don't think). It was brought to my attention that this blog is the single greatest thing known to mankind and had surpassed the picture of Brent Lee's head on Vanilla Ice's body to get there. Who am I to argue this fact? It was also brought to my attention that we hardly talk about the wedding anymore. Well, Antoinette, that might change in this post. Oh sure, we're off to a bad start. But I have mentioned the groom and the fact that there is a wedding, so I think we're on the right track.

Some people relish time in the spotlight, when all eyes are focused on them and a crowd is captivated simply by who they are or what they are doing. Other people wish that people would stop looking at them and just leave them alone. We're not here to talk about which one I am (the answer might actually surprise you).
As it will be your wedding day B and Corrin (or Radio as I have called them- check an earlier post for why), those people will be staring at you. Now, I know for a fact that half of Radio (B in particular) does not care for much attention. Granted, this doesn't explain why I have seen him run around in a thong (let's just say there was alcohol involved, but I won't say more than that- sorry B). Typically B would prefer to be a wallflower, which is one of the reasons this blog is so freakin' funny, and so is the Twitter feed. In a moment of reflection, I may have to take that all back. B is the guy, who in 7th grade, broke out the Roger Rabbit at a junior high dance. Remember folks, junior high dances were all about how far into the wall you could push your back.

Now, I haven't known Corrin all that long, but I sense that she enjoys a little spotlight here and there. It's a good thing too, because as my wife and I have proved, you can't have two wallflowers.
Of course, this will be magnified at the wedding, as all eyes are on the bride. Every little thing she does, every move she makes.
Person 1: "Did she just wink at someone? Can you DO that at your wedding?"
Person 2: "Relax, I think it was her sister."
Person 1:"Oh, but I think she just hit her new husband."
Person 2:"No, she was wiping salad dressing off his face. Calm down."
Person 1:"I'll try. Wait, she just stopped holding his hand."
Person 2:"OK, knock it off, he is about to do the Roger Rabbit."
Person 1:"Ooooh, I've heard things about his Roger Rabbit."

All those eyes can make you a bit paranoid. Don't let it get to you. Just keep on keeping on. Half of those people won't remember what on earth you did that night. Have fun and tip your waiter. And tip your blog writers too. They have families and huge overheads. Do you know how expensive it is to maintain a free website?

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Anything K-Dub Can Do, Radio Can Do Better *OR* Making Something Out Of Nothing

A lot of us married folk have gone into a great depression recently. No, not because the Harry Potter movies are over or that the NBA is locked out (in the off-season, who cares?). No, we're depressed because the wedding of Kate & Will has come and gone. For months we wondered how we could live out our royal dreams by having a dry British wedding. Now we know and we have nothing to look forward to. What makes it even worse is that K-Dub (as I call them on our Skype chats) are busy making the rounds as their job.
Few people cared that I got married 9 years ago. Even fewer people wanted us to come to their town and gallivant. No one wanted me to show up to their skid row dance party or attend their stuffy political soiree.

Like my beard?
How do these people make money? All they do is show up and talk in their fancy British accent. He's losing his hair and she is too good for him (according to the British tabloids I read).

To ease the transition to married life for B and Corrin, I have created an itinerary of places you will go and people you will meet as a married couple. If K-Dub can do it, so can Radio (my nickname for B and Corrin. Let me explain: Their first initials are C. & B. In the 1970's there was a huge fad about CB Radio, where truckers and back wood folk would talk over these radios before cell phones. So, C&B becomes CB, which reminds me of CB Radio, which becomes Radio. Keep up people!).

First Radio will travel to Duarte, CA to re-dedicate this statue. Why? It was the best I could do on short notice, okay?

Next, they will travel to Taos, NM to eat a Navajo taco. Simply to raise their spirits.

After that, it is off to Liberal, KS to bring attention to the International Pancake Day Hall of Fame. This is a place that could use a little attention.
Finally, off to Tampa Bay, FL to swim in the ocean with some disadvantaged kids who can only afford jet-skis and not speed boats.

I know that the presence of Radio will only bring smiles to those they meet. I am still trying to figure out funding, but I think the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation can give us a grant.

It's Been A Long Time *OR* Pandering For 4,000 Page Views

As the title states, it has been a while since good ol' Downward Brent Lee was updated. I am sure you have been checking back daily just to see, by chance, if there has been an update. Your persistence will now be rewarded. As I am writing this, I am only 4 views away from 4,000 visitors to the site. Who knew a simple little blog about two people living on the Central Coast of California who are planning a wedding would be so "popular?" In case you couldn't tell, I am stalling here, because I have no idea what I am actually going to write about. And let me let you in on a little secret...that's how this whole blog has been written. Little to no planning really makes the best internet experience.

With that being said, I think I have our opening. A lot of couples spend way too much money on a wedding planner. Sure, they can be useful in organizing the location and making sure that the flowers end up in vases in the right order. But then they overstep their boundaries and try to take your man. Oh wait, I think I just got that mixed up with the two minutes I saw of the movie "The Wedding Planner" featuring newly divorced Jennifer Lopez. Gee, how sad, I really thought they were going to make it. Actually, I didn't. That spelled disaster when you heard about it. In reality, anything that involves Jenny from the block spells disaster.
This is where I get to let you in on a little secret about B. Yes, I think he owns an entire Jennifer Lopez album. Now that you are armed with that bit of knowledge, I will now debunk everything else you are thinking right now:
  • No, B is not gay. Remember the wedding to Corrin? Still on.
  • No, B is not Latin. The closest he came was eating a Taco Bell taco.
  • No, B did not DJ bar-mitzvahs in his earlier days.
  • No, B is not a back-up dancer for a female pop-singer. Where did you get that idea?
Oh, back to the wedding planner. Why plan at all? I think we should all just show up and wing it. We've seen enough movies and attended enough weddings to go this a fairly good go. Granted, I have been recently watching a bunch of Marx Brothers movies and I can not guarantee that some zany antics would not happen. Again, a great way to liven up a wedding. If you see me in a grease paint mustache, I would pay attention, it is going to get good.
Thanks as always for checking in. I will try to update a bit more frequently, but feel free to send ideas in the comments section. Have a hot dog for me!