We Interrupt This Blog For An Important Announcement!

YES!!!!! This exists! If you go to www.lightslightsbaby.com you will see the next step in home lighting design...lights by America's hero: Vanilla Ice. Well, maybe not America's hero, but certainly the hero of Downward Brent Lee.

Check back soon for a relevant blog entry.

Save The World's Largest Rectal Thermometer *OR* How Bun Boy Nearly Killed Me

Happy New Year from your friends at Downward Brent Lee, your internet headquarters for everything Brent Lee related. Yup, it's a small store, but we are potent. Like skunk spray.

With a new year comes new responsibilities. Your friends at Downward Brent Lee will try to update with a bit more regularity, but we promise nothing. Brent will take on new responsibilities as a new father to little Carl. Let's see how awkward he can make holding a baby look.

2013 brings some interesting news, one of the favorite topics here at Downward Brent Lee is in danger and needs our help. I'm not talking about Vanilla Ice, I think he is doing fine turning hipster and remodeling homes. No, I'm talking about the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer in beautiful Baker, CA. Situated in the middle of the drive between Las Vegas and Los Angeles, the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer stands as a beacon to all that is good to be found in Baker. I can tell you from experience though, that it does not point to Bun Boy, the world's only hamburger laced with radioactive waste. As mentioned in previous posts, Greg and this author ventured to the Bun Boy to partake in their widely advertised burgers. Not only did it take 30 minutes to bring a burger to our table (there were only 6 people in the restaurant), but somehow this burger was burned to a near-coal-like texture and retained heat as only a ceramic pot coming out of the kiln could. And somehow, through a legitimate miracle, that heat stayed with it as it was forced down our collective throat and settled, like a hot coal, in the stomach. This author had never wanted to get to Vegas so quickly in his life.

Back to the topic at hand, next door to the world's most reactive burger, stands the mighty edifice of the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer. It stands to tell travelers that the desert is either really freakin' hot or downright freezing. There seems to be no in-between.

The sad news here folks is that this unneeded structure is being sold. You can get a thermometer, some land, and a gift shop all for $1.75 million. It's a bargain at twice the price. What else says "Welcome to the World, Little Carl!" like a giant thermometer that can be seen from the I-15? Nothing, I tell you, nothing! So B, you must buy this and put it in your front yard.

Three stacks, a rock, and a giant thermometer!

Let's save this great landmark and relocate the thing to the beautiful central coast of California.

Prepping For Carl *OR* How To Write A Blog On Little Sleep

Don't get used to the double posts in one week, I can't imagine that this will happen again. However, we here at Downward Brent Lee are working on little sleep and we wanted to experiment with what kind of crummy blog post we could write while under the influence of night. See, what does that even mean; "under the influence of night"? Stellar stuff. I hope that all the professional bloggers out there are paying attention.

The home office was a little disruptive last night, both Downward children were upset at various points of the evening. One thought that midnight would be a good time to need some attention. Then the other one thought that while you try to put her down that she would scream as if some creepy child just joined them on a Brazilian elevator.

They basically took turns seeing which parent would snap first. The joke is on them, we snapped long before they came along!

The best way to combat this lack of sleep is to just go for it. Sure, commute that 45 minutes on busy freeways in heavy fog, that seems about right. Find as many important documents you can write while at work. Better yet, find some heavy machinery to operate.

What does all of this mean for Radio (Brent & Corrin)? It means welcome to a life that is no longer your own. You will become slaves to the whims of your hungry and/or pooping children. Don't get me wrong, there are some good times, like when you get away for a weekend or the kids sleep all day, but other than that....um....yup, I've got nothing.

 

Let's see, did we accomplish what we set out to with this blog update? I doubt it and honestly, the mark of a serious blogger is the lack of passion for their project. I think we've nailed that!

And We're Back *OR* How Paul Made This Happen

Well friends, it has been about 9 months since we last posted anything here on Downward Brent Lee, and, gosh darnit, we didn't miss a thing. The home office was cleaned out and we finally got rid of the monkey problem.

We've been taking our well deserved post-wedding break. Heck, we even resisted the temptation to blog about Toni & Chris during their wedding ramp up. But we remembered that we are here for B & Corrin (or Radio as they have been coined). Oh, I could talk about the fact that this writer spent nearly two months as a single dad or how this writer now has a beautiful daughter to go along with his son, but we won't.

Enough dilly and certainly enough dally, let's get to business!

Those of you on the interwebs have probably already heard that Radio is expecting a child later this year! Congrats to Radio, we are all excited to watch our crew continue to grow. Of course, this now means that any meetings between us all must be conducted at Chuck E. Cheese's.

"Psst, hey kid, there's better food over there"

Now, I must admit that I was a bit disappointed that there are not going to be triplets right off the bat, but there is always next time. So the question becomes, do they name the child Carl, Abernathy, or Bernard? I'm still rooting for Carl, as it seems only appropriate after all the work I have done.

When word first got out, this office offered cash to Radio to not find out if it was a boy or girl, and even more cash if they promised to name it Carl. Sadly, some people could not wait 7 months to find out what they were having and they ruined the surprise. That's fine, I guess they are just so rich that they don't need the immense financial backing of Downward Brent Lee.

So thanks to Paul for cleaning up the place and taking the cobwebs off of Downward Brent Lee. It's good to be back. I can guarantee that we've all gotten fatter and lazier, so don't expect a Christmas miracle, but there will be some posts. Especially since we are headed back to Vegas. Stay tuned!

Wedding Round Up *OR* I Thought This Blog Was Dead

It turns out I just can't stop, I've missed you all so much my faithful readers. When you do something for two years, you just can let it go. Plus, enough time has passed that I can give you my exclusive insider review of the spectacle known as the Brent Lee- Corrin Clark wedding.

My little family arrived in Paso Robles on Friday afternoon so that I could partake in the rehearsal and accompanying dinner. It goes without saying that the groomsdudes nailed it on the first go and needed no further practice. Paul behaved well enough to qualify himself for dinner, which is all he really cared about.

You may ask yourself why I was wearing a necklace. I am now asking that question too. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Since we all behaved well enough we went to dinner. The waitstaff seemed a bit perplexed with the idea of taking drink orders as random beverages appeared at various times in sundry locations. You never really knew what you were going to get. Food was served and people ate. My son was happy that there was bread.

 After dinner I have no idea where the bridesmaids went, and I am pretty sure I don't want to know. Especially since I think some "special" brownies were involved. The gents retired up to Paul's balcony and sat in the hot tub.

We're always a bundle of energy. We basically just told B that he was pretty hosed since he was getting married. Typical "scare-the-crap-out-of-the-groom-the-night-before-the-wedding" shtick. Oh and it started raining. A lot. And it was freaking cold. This outdoor wedding thing just wasn't going to happen.

The next morning brought about a lot of crummy weather. Greg and I ended up running some errands in B's truck and even went to his house. The temptation to mess up the house was great. We may or may not have done anything to the house. Antoinette would not believe us either way.

While the bridesmaids spent the entire day getting ready, the guys got ready in about 15 minutes. And then we looked like this:

Corrin told us we were not to look directly at anything, hence us looking off into the distance. Oh, and hey, remember when I told you that I had some things to spruce up our otherwise boring tuxedos? Can you say green socks? Oh yeah!

It was St. Patrick's day and it just made sense. You will also note that someone is not wearing the same type of shoes as everyone else. Paul deemed himself too precious to wear the other shoes. Thanks a lot Paul.

The wedding ended up indoors due to the rain.

Oh, I suppose I should talk about the bride and her gown. But, since I am a guy, I can't really tell you all that much. She looked lovely and seemed excited to marry B. Well, as excited as anyone would be to marry B. Sorry, that was kind of mean.

And then the reception hit and we were ready.

Yup, just four married guys hanging out in a hotel ballroom lobby while wearing tuxedos. Not married to each other mind you. Married to women. Different women. Ah, nevermind.

People were introduced. Food was eaten. People gave toasts. I introduced the newest iPhone. Oh wait, I gave a toast and yes, I did mention Vanilla Ice!

Paul sang a soul song and really got into it.

Greg, on the other hand, didn't say a word, just simply struck modeling poses. It was very effective.

And then there was dancing. Did I mention we didn't stop at the socks? Yup, there were headbands too. Don't say we don't know how to party, or accessorize.

What was weird is that B spent most of his time not dancing with his bride, but with this guy.

Not the cutest couple, but to each their own.

And sure, there were traditions. But I think they forgot other people were watching.

I did learn that Corrin knows how to boogie!

And she is a good sport. After the evening was essentially over, some of us retired back to Paul's room.

Be careful, or you might face the world's least intimidating gang.

All in all, a great time was had by all. Everything was well done and everyone had a great time celebrating B & Corrin. Congrats to the two of you.

Ok, now seriously, that is it. The blog is over. I'm done. This is unless, of course, we end up in Vegas in January. But don't hold your breath.

Say It Ain't So *OR* Back From The Dead

In case you haven't seen it before, here is the crotch-cam from Brent as he descends down the Bootleg Canyon Flightline. This was one of our "big" things while out in Vegas for his bachelor party. The music obscures his screaming.

Home Stretch *OR* Best Wedding Gift Ever

We're just over a week away until B and Corrin finally get married and I get to put this poor blog to bed. I think we can all breath a sigh of relief over that one. But hey, over 7,000 page views and multiple references to Vanilla Ice later, I think we've created something that will stand the test of time. This is, of course, assuming that time only lasts about 3 more weeks.

I teased in the last post about the awesome wedding gift I got for B and Corrin. Thanks to some mix up with the Postal Service (and you wonder why they are bankrupt), the original never got there. So an online chat with Amazon.com later and a delivery via UPS, I can now finally reveal the best wedding present ever. I know you think that you can top it by searching for something of their registry, but you would be wrong. I have given B the gift that will simply keep on giving. He even said we could have it at the wedding. Yes, I got a copy of Vanilla Ice's movie "Cool As Ice."

Note how it says he is starring in his first motion picture. Did he make another? Oh, and no, I did not get the VHS, I got the re-release on DVD. I have shared this scene of the blog before, but it can stand a repeat.



This is solid all around. As far as I can tell there is a lot of staring off and talking to one's self while riding a motorcycle. I am sure that B will fill us in as time goes on.

In other news, I have picked up my tuxedo already. I don't want to spoil all the details since I will be looking *so fresh and so fine*, but there is some green in it.

And yes, while in a tuxedo, I do make that face and strike that pose all the time. Aren't you all lucky to be there to witness that? I did note that the tuxedo came with pants that were not my jeans. B, am I really supposed to wear some other guy's pants? Ugh.

Just a week left! Let's get this show on the road, I'm a busy man. Actually, this is oddly true, but I won't bore you with the details. I will be hearing some Vanilla Ice at the wedding, right? Otherwise, he is going to upset that he came out to the wedding and didn't hear any of his songs. Drat, I think I just ruined the surprise.

Getting Dapper *OR* Miami Vice Is Back....Again

Since the bachelor party is over I guess we have to focus on the actual wedding now and all of those last minute details. As a groomsdude, I am moderately busy making hotel reservations and trying to figure how to get to this wedding. I'm working on my spray tan and getting all juiced up for the pictures.

Greg and I did go today to get fitted for the wedding tuxedo. It has been a long time since I have had to rent a tux, so I was surprised that we didn't have to even try them on. The woman helping us though was not in the mood to deal with our rapid-fire humor. Basically she was a big downer. I think I'm going to have to go tanning to get over this depression.

Brent never told us what the tuxes look like, so guess what a shock it was to see this coat get draped over my beefy shoulders.

I look pretty good in a white coat and this should go well with green and it is a nice throwback to Miami Vice.

As Greg and I were checking out how awesome we would look in a few weeks, we decided that tuxedos are just so...plain. Basically you have a coat and pants with some shiny parts and a vest. There is no opportunity to be original or stand out in a crowd. Unless you look like James Bond and have an Aston Martin at your disposal, you need something extra. So while we were at the mall we may have done a little more shopping. I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I can tell you that we are going to stand out. It will be a delightful, if not dapper, addition to an otherwise boring ensemble.

In other news, I bought them a wedding present. Again, I can't ruin the surprise here (I'll tell you next week), but I may have found something not on the registry. And yes, it is something that every household needs. It certainly fills a void that you may not have known was there. I will give you a hint, it actually does appear in this blog in an earlier post. And no, it is not this:

We Survived, Sorta...

The good news is that everyone has made it home from Vegas. The bad news is that I think we broke Paul. Of course, now that I am home, I might be broken as well.

We had a good time and after realizing that the four of us had not been together like that in about 10 years, it has been decided that we need to do it again soon. But next time I might need some energy drinks to be able to keep up.

B hooked us up with some great rooms at the Aria hotel and we ate steak every night. Could there be anything worse for your heart? Possibly not, but you only live once, right? It goes without saying that we ate like kings. Fat kings, but kings nonetheless.

So here is a quick recap for those interested in living vicariously through some 30-somethings:
Day 1: Greg and I drove from LA while B and Paul drove from SLO. Greg and I pulled off at Zzyzx Road.

 There is some amazing stuff down there. A cool salt flat and some interesting views.

 Then, of course, you hit Baker, CA and the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer. It has seen better days it seems.

Here is where Greg and I made a horrible decision. We have always seen Bun Boy from the road and wondered what it was all about. So we took a risk and headed inside. Huge space and we were 2 of about 6 patrons in the place. We ordered hamburgers. Simple, right? Well, it took about 20 minutes for them to arrive. When they did they were about as hot as the surface of the sun and had been cooked to a near-hockey puck texture. Neither of us finished the world's worst burger and left feeling like putting an hot iron to our tongue would have been a better decision. 2 hours later and it still felt like I had a glowing ember in my gut. So here is our travel top tip: Don't eat at Bun Boy.

Arrival and hanging out. Dinner at Tom Colicchio's Craftsteak. Great space, great food. If you want to roll large, try the $265 wagu steak. What goes well with steak? Fireworks! So we head 30 minutes north of Las Vegas into the desert at around 11:30pm to the Moapa Travel Plaza to buy some fireworks. The great thing is that you can light them off just a few seconds down the road.

 We were there until about 1:00am blowing up about $200 worth of fireworks. We did not make all that mess you see out there, it was quite a mess before we got there.

Day 2: "Early" morning wake-up to get some old-fashioned straight edge razor shaves at the Art of Shaving.

Granted, in this picture it does kind of look like a doctor checking a corpse, but trust me, B and Paul are under those towels and very much alive. Afterwards we walked around for a bit and went back to the room to watch some football and relax. B made us get all dressed up and head over to Prime Steakhouse for night 2 of meat. After about 3 hours of expensive gluttony, we moved on and B danced for some Russian girls. That last part may be incorrect as I was not there.

Day 3 came a bit later and we grazed on a muffin while thoughts of grass-fed beef danced in our heads. We headed out to Boulder City. Why? To fly down 1.5 miles of cable dangling over the side of Bootleg Canyon. Yes, we did the Bootleg Canyon Flightlines! You get moving up to around 50 mph while you zip over your impending doom and death.

Your motley crew

Looking down at the first run

The brakes

B getting ready to fly

B is trying to cheat

Masters of the mountain

This was a lot of fun and there was no spinning around in circles involved (inside joke). We all agreed that this was something that we would do again. If you get the chance, head out and do it. It is very safe and a lot of fun.

Our last night was spent doing what else but eating steak! Yes, we did a trifecta of meat and finished off at Delmonico Steakhouse, one of Emeril's places. I really enjoyed the food there a lot and we had a nice time. The service was very warm and friendly. But B might rank some of the patrons as a 3...hard to explain.

We had a great time overall and are looking forward to doing it again before another decade passes us by. There are more pictures and some video out there and once I get them, I will put them on the blog for all 4 people who read this thing to check out.