I Can Be Fat Spiderman *OR* Tranquilizer Darts Do Work

I've mentioned here once or twice that, like Spiderman I have a great responsibility. Sadly, Spiderman is not my favorite comic character. That honor goes to Batman. Don't let it go to your head Bruce Wayne (that's right, I know who you are!). Oh, but back to the actual responsibility, I am talking about being a groomsdude in THE wedding of 2012, and heck, let's add 2013 because absolutely nothing interesting will happen that year, aside from B and Corrin having the triplets (YIPEE for Carl!).

Even fat Spidermen can kick butt.

I have had to don the rented tuxedo before in two other weddings and, if I do say myself, I looked damn good (try to refute it). My main responsibilities were to show up and not make a fool of myself. Pretty easy task really.

Now, as a groomsdude, I have some other things to do. In Paul's wedding I had to tape the name "Ernesto" to the back of his coat. Yes, this is true. But before you think, "huh?", you need to know that there was also a shamrock taped to the back as well, just to keep it classy. I recall having to drive Paul's truck to about four different locations for some various reason. Even that I did with style and class. Basically I had to stand there during the ceremony and make sure that Paul didn't make a quick dash for the door. To make my job easier, we pumped Paul full of tranquilizers before (sorry Michelle, makes for a groggy wedding night).

Paul needed a timeout.

With Greg's wedding it involved standing around his Taurus SHO and taking pictures looking like a badass. Again, pretty easy when you are posing next to this piece of "American" muscle.

The ceremony consisted of a lot of standing up and then sitting back down. There were also about 52 groomsdudes, so the 'responsibilities' were a bit dilluted.

So onto B. What do we have to do with this wedding? There are 3 groomsdudes at last count, but I think there are 61 bridesmaids, so I am not sure how that is going to work. Yes, we have the bachelor party to plan, which is already under control to a degree. And then we have to make sure B gets dressed properly on the big day and be at the ready if he were to run. This means I may have to get back into shape. Maybe I can call on fat Spiderman to help us out; he's got webs he can shoot, therefore saving us a lot of energy.

I am sure other tasks me be presented to us as the date nears (less than 300 days now people), but I think I am going to rest up for the big day.

Could You Throw Some Flowers Over Here *OR* Cute Kid Needs Work

In the time honored wedding tradition there comes the opportunity to laugh and "oooh" as a crowd. I'm not talking about the wedding dress, but the flower girl and the ring bearer. Seemingly unimportant jobs, the parents take a lot of responsibility to make sure that their children are the stars of the show. Really, they are trying to upstage the bride and groom. And honestly, how dare they! This is not their show, why don't they just back off and let the light shine fully where it was intended?



Doesn't she know that those shoes don't go with that dress?

But let me help and give your potential flower girl or ring bearer some advice. Parents, bring your kid right up to the monitor and help them read these valuable tips.

Flower Girls:

• Even flower distribution is key. Don't clump.
• Don't eat the flowers, they are not candy.
• Let's make decent time down the aisle, don't doddle.
• At the same time, don't run down the aisle. Unless, of course, there is a fire.
• Be cute, but not too cute. This ain't your show.
• Once you have strewn flowers about, fade into the shadows. Like Batman.
• Don't wave to your parents. They see you. So does everyone else.
• Don't mess it up. You could easily ruin the wedding with your shenanigans.

Ring Bearers:

• Don't eat the ring. Have you seen what hospitals charge?
• The pillow should be kept horizontal in two hands. This isn't a football and you aren't Reggie Bush.
• Pee before the wedding. It is a lot of clothes to take off in an emergency.
• Again, don't run but don't doddle.
• You probably aren't as cute as the flower girl. Get used to it.
• If you want to earn cute points, dance with the flower girl at the reception and then give her a kiss. Everyone will think this is adorable. You will be praised for being a mack-daddy.
• That ring is more expensive than your life. Guess which one people are going to try to save. Just keep that in mind.

These kids will set the tone for the entire rest of the wedding, and by association, the entire marriage. I don't think parents, the wedding party, and kids fully understand the weight of their actions. Here is to a great wedding.

The Last Post Of 2010

It has been a short year for us here at Downward Brent Lee. We've been posting since October 3, 2010 and we have crested 700 page views. This little ragamuffin blog about some guy's wedding plans has swollen like B's nose after being hit by a baseball...twice. We've done a public service here that will continue on in some fashion all the way to March of 2012 when B and Corrin finally get hitched.

While most blogs do a "Best of 2010" blog entry highlighting the various highs of the year, we're going to skip that. Nope, we're going to prognosticate about what 2011 will bring for B, Corrin, and this humble blog.

• B will buy flowers for Corrin. He probably did something wrong.
• B will drive the Tahoe over 65 mph once.
• Somehow Vegas will play into some vacation plans.
• B and Corrin will fall in love with the name Carl and make future plans for their triplets.
• They will buy a dog and call it Jave, just so they can hit it over the head with a newspaper. Tragic.
• B will dance to the latest Vanilla Ice CD. We will laugh...a lot.
• While frolicking in the ocean, B will be chomped on by a shark, but using his amazing skills, B will turn that shark into an ally and attack the people who did him wrong. Steven Spielberg will option it into a movie starring a plucky young(ish) redhead...Justin! Justin rockets to super-stardom and hangs with Matt Damon, George Clooney, and Scar-Jo. He then tries to make a period piece about the black plague and his career spirals downward. He gets hooked on sugar packets and joins Celebrity Rehab. There are tears and Justin makes good on his promise to himself and his family. He makes a big comeback the next year, a-la Robert Downey Jr., and is the next Batman.

What a great 2011! Have a Happy New Year and remember, keep away from the yellow snow.