Fly Me To The Moon *OR* Just Fly Me To Branson!

I had the pleasure of speaking with B the other night and I asked him how the wedding planning was coming along. He mentioned how helpful this blog has been in thinking of ideas. Though he did say it crossed off more ideas than it actually gave him. So I thought about it the other day and have come up with a great solution to encapsulate the bachelor party/ wedding/ and honeymoon all-in-one. Now, we have two options here and they both involve travel in a cool way.

1. The Goodyear Blimp!

Now, I have actually been on the Goodyear Blimp (the Spirit of America if you are keeping score) and it was awesome. There isn't a ton of room in the gondola, but the stories you will be able to tell. I suggest that we take the blimp to Branson, Missouri. Why Branson? It is the entertainment capital of the Southern states. In fact, while visiting the website I see that they have an ice carver at a museum with an exhibit on the Titanic. Either they have a great sense of humor, or they are missing the whole historical context thing. Shame on you Branson!

The blimp is not the fastest mode of transport out there, but it would still beat B in the Tahoe (Get it? Because B drives slowly!). It gives you time to see all of America from a somewhat lower altitude. And who doesn't love the blimp?

Back to Branson, they feature some of America's top talent. Here is a small list of the calvacade of stars you can see right now in Missouri:
Tony Orlando
The Village People
Tim Conway
Yakov
Andy Williams
Oak Ridge Boys

It's like a who's who of Hollwood Squares participants.

Option #2: Airbus A380

The newly famous double decker is larger than a 747 by quite a bit. Of course, recently the engines have been falling off of the airplane, but I doubt that will affect us much. B will charter the entire plane and we'll just fly all over the place and combine the bachelor(ette) party, wedding, and honeymoon in one trip. As a bonus, the TSA will grope you for free.



The TSA: Your New Prostate Doctor!

 You can eat all the peanuts you want on your way to Branson, MO, have your luggage lost, and watch an engine fall off your plane. All right B, pony up the bucks and let's make this happen.

Getting In Touch With Our Feminine Side *OR* The Bachelorette Party

We've focused a lot here at Downward Brent Lee on the male perspective, seeing as how B is a male and your crack team of writers here are male as well. In honor of the quickly lessening influence of the metro-sexual male who is in touch with his feminine side, we present to you ideas for the Bachelorette Party. I've got to hand it to you women, you have hidden the rights and passages of this time honored tradition quite well. It is like trying to figure out what the Masons are really doing in there or learning what is in the secret sauce at McDonald's. My assumption from watching MTV Spring Break is that when a group of women get together to celebrate some monumental moment in a woman's life, that there is the need to treat the lady of the hour like a queen and that she is very concerned with "getting her groove on." It also seems that fruity variations of martinis must be consumed and there will be lots of hooting and hollering. In some lesser occasions, cowboy hats will be worn and mechanical bulls will be ridden, but I don't have substantial evidence to back up that claim.

I am also familiar with the desire of the party-goers to try to embarrass the "queen" by making her do some ridiculous stunts and tasks. I get this, I keep betting B a dollar to do various things I know that he will never do. I think I have even once had to lick some candy off a lady. Oh wait, that was in Taiwan, nevermind.

To keep Corrin from being utterly embarrassed or arrested, I have compiled some wonderful ideas for a Bachelorette Party that I think her bridesmaids should consider. These are all approved by the Council For Family Relations and the Organization To Keep An Engaged Couple Making Vows. In no particular order:

• Book club! You can read one of Oprah's books, eat Bon-Bons, and giggle as needed. In bed by 10:30pm and no pesky hangover.
• A little hike and picnic to the ocean. Enjoy some sandwiches and salads. You may play flag football or frisbee. Your choice.
• A lovely dinner at Windows On The Water: Morro Bay's premier dining destination. May I suggest the duck?
• A hilarious game of miniature golf. Splurge and enjoy an Icee.
• Electric boat ride around Morro Bay. See some seals, laugh at the kayakers. 

This should get the creative juices flowing for the ladies. Remember, the key is to have a safe, fun time out there and enjoy some quiet "girl time" together. Once B gets in the picture, it will be monster trucks, diesel power, guns, heavy metal music, and steak all the time.