And We're Back *OR* How Paul Made This Happen

Well friends, it has been about 9 months since we last posted anything here on Downward Brent Lee, and, gosh darnit, we didn't miss a thing. The home office was cleaned out and we finally got rid of the monkey problem.

We've been taking our well deserved post-wedding break. Heck, we even resisted the temptation to blog about Toni & Chris during their wedding ramp up. But we remembered that we are here for B & Corrin (or Radio as they have been coined). Oh, I could talk about the fact that this writer spent nearly two months as a single dad or how this writer now has a beautiful daughter to go along with his son, but we won't.

Enough dilly and certainly enough dally, let's get to business!

Those of you on the interwebs have probably already heard that Radio is expecting a child later this year! Congrats to Radio, we are all excited to watch our crew continue to grow. Of course, this now means that any meetings between us all must be conducted at Chuck E. Cheese's.

"Psst, hey kid, there's better food over there"

Now, I must admit that I was a bit disappointed that there are not going to be triplets right off the bat, but there is always next time. So the question becomes, do they name the child Carl, Abernathy, or Bernard? I'm still rooting for Carl, as it seems only appropriate after all the work I have done.

When word first got out, this office offered cash to Radio to not find out if it was a boy or girl, and even more cash if they promised to name it Carl. Sadly, some people could not wait 7 months to find out what they were having and they ruined the surprise. That's fine, I guess they are just so rich that they don't need the immense financial backing of Downward Brent Lee.

So thanks to Paul for cleaning up the place and taking the cobwebs off of Downward Brent Lee. It's good to be back. I can guarantee that we've all gotten fatter and lazier, so don't expect a Christmas miracle, but there will be some posts. Especially since we are headed back to Vegas. Stay tuned!

Last Post Of 2011 *OR* Why Change When I'm Perfect?

You didn't think I could let 2011 slip by without one more blog post, did you? I know that this blog has gone from multiple postings in a week to maybe 2 a month, but such is the life of a lonely blogger. I bet you can picture it now, surrounded by empty bags of potato chips listening to endless dance music in a poorly lit room surrounded by banks of computers and researchers bringing me facts and Red Bull.

Luckily for everyone, you would be wrong. I have a tiny alcove in a living room and I drink water. So there!

With the end of 2011, it comes time to make resolutions for the new year. Ways in which we can improve ourselves and not repeat the failures of past years. Yet, as I look back I realize that I'm perfect. I have been groomed well (in both senses of the word), I'm an intelligent fellow, I can use the word fellow without it seeming pompous, and there is nothing about me that needs changing. Full of myself you ask? Nope, just confident that I do not need to change.

Since I don't need any modification, let's move on to the happy couple, shall we? And as we all know that women know everything and don't need to change (um, yeah....), let's focus on B. So here is a list of resolutions that I have compiled for B for 2012.

• Stop licking envelopes for fun. The danger of a papercut is simply too much.
• Be sure to send more cash to my groomsdudes. $250/week should do it.
• Learn to embrace the idea that dinner does not need to be eaten at 4:30pm. 
• Triplets! B is going to father triplets in 2012. Need I remind you of their names? Abernathy, Bernard, and Carl.
• Help Vanilla Ice reclaim his star status. Encourage him to get a morning talk show. Show the happy side of Mr. Ice.
• Stop being afraid of cities larger than 5,000 people. Los Angeles is a fine place to visit.
• Let the subscription to Oprah's magazine not get renewed. Move on to Rachel Ray.
• Stop crying at the end of "Wall-E."
• Eat more shrimp.
• Wear more Ed Hardy.
• Dance like no one is watching. But know that we are.
• Grow a cool firefighter/80's porn star mustache.
• Start calling Corrin by her pet name: "Batgirl."
• Did he write those checks to his groomsdudes yet? A wire transfer will be fine.
• Listen to a little less Celine Dion and move on to Enya or John Tesh.

This is a good start for 2011. There may be more, but at the rate I blog, I doubt it. See you in 78 days!

Your Favorite Blog...Characters

Can you believe it, we have surpassed 500 visitors to Downward Brent Lee. It seems like it just a few weeks ago we hit 400 visitors. For a blog that has strayed further and further from the original intent, this is impressive. I think we should run down what makes this blog so popular.

• The writing is average
• It rarely stays on topic
• It is really written for about the 5 people who actually know me
• Amazing production value
• Top-notch pictures
• Self-deprecating humor
• The title sounds like a yoga pose
• A blog about wedding planning, who wouldn't want to read?
• I've been able to use Carl in the blog too many times. For a baby that doesn't exist yet, that is pretty good.

 Speaking of Carl, Downward Brent Lee held a poll a week or so ago to see who your favorite blog character is. And again we had a tie. For those familiar with our polls, only 5 people tend to vote and somehow we always end up with a tie. Your favorite blog characters are Vanilla Ice and Carl. I applaud your your results dear readers, you have a real sense of the pulse of the blog reader.

If you are new to Downward Brent Lee, our fascination with Vanilla Ice comes from our namesake, Brent Lee. Not only did he have the Ice Man's tapes in 7th and 8th grade (and beyond?), but he owned a Vanilla Ice t-shirt. I'm not saying that I didn't own some great shirts in my day, but I didn't wear them to school. Only Brent Lee had the steel balls to wear it to school and be proud. What made that day better is that B ran into a pole that day while walking. And only 18 or so years later, B is still reminded of that day.

Talk about your street cred.

 Your other favorite is one of B and Corrin's fictional triplets. I even took the liberty of naming their three sons Abernathy, Bernard, and Carl. This way life is easy for them because the kids are in ABC order. Carl, being the youngest of three sons by only 15 minutes feels like he has a lot to live up to. His can-do attitude and infectious smile can melt the heart of the coldest rapper...Vanilla Ice (see how I tied that together? That's good blog writing right there).

Carl is on the far left.

His parents aren't supposed to have a favorite, but they think that Carl is on the path to success. Bernard is the one that they have to watch out for the most. He has trouble written all over him. He is most likely to be riding in the back of a Chevy S-10 causing problems around a sleepy foothill community. Abernathy will be fine and is going to grow up to be just like his Uncle Paul. You can insert your own joke here. See, we make this blog interactive!

Thanks again for showing up and getting us over 500 visitors. I wish I have 500 real friends to celebrate this occasion with, but I will have to settle for the dust bunny I have been collecting. Have a great weekend and be sure to check in next week.

Triplets!

Brent Lee, future father? I think this needs to happen, and soon. But why only have one kid at a time when you can knock out an entire brood in one swoop? Pop yourself full of fertility drugs and get yourself a multiple birth and a show on TLC all at the same time. This way you can get paid to have the kids and you never have to take pictures since every moment will be caught on tape anyway. Of course the track record for those families isn't great, so on second thought, don't do that.

Triplets need great names and here they are. For boys they will be named:
Abernathy
Bernard
Carl
(see the ABC thing? Yup, that's on purpose)

If they are girls, you may use:
Agnes
Bertha
Carl
(I love the name Carl)

Let's review the benefits of triplets:

• Only have to give birth once
• Only have to be pregnant once
• How many triplets do you know?
• One in three chance your kid will be named Carl
• One really big baby shower
• Those Buy One Get One offers really start to pay off
• Get a cool three-person stroller. Latch it to the back of the Tahoe.
• Did we already talk about how cool the name Carl is? In fact, go the George Foreman route and name them all Carl.
• You can fleece those restaurants where kids eat free.
• They can just babysit each other

Now, I'm not saying you have to have them right away. Enjoy a little time as a married couple first. But then do the world a favor and bring us a Carl and two other kids.