Fly Me To The Moon *OR* Just Fly Me To Branson!

I had the pleasure of speaking with B the other night and I asked him how the wedding planning was coming along. He mentioned how helpful this blog has been in thinking of ideas. Though he did say it crossed off more ideas than it actually gave him. So I thought about it the other day and have come up with a great solution to encapsulate the bachelor party/ wedding/ and honeymoon all-in-one. Now, we have two options here and they both involve travel in a cool way.

1. The Goodyear Blimp!

Now, I have actually been on the Goodyear Blimp (the Spirit of America if you are keeping score) and it was awesome. There isn't a ton of room in the gondola, but the stories you will be able to tell. I suggest that we take the blimp to Branson, Missouri. Why Branson? It is the entertainment capital of the Southern states. In fact, while visiting the website I see that they have an ice carver at a museum with an exhibit on the Titanic. Either they have a great sense of humor, or they are missing the whole historical context thing. Shame on you Branson!

The blimp is not the fastest mode of transport out there, but it would still beat B in the Tahoe (Get it? Because B drives slowly!). It gives you time to see all of America from a somewhat lower altitude. And who doesn't love the blimp?

Back to Branson, they feature some of America's top talent. Here is a small list of the calvacade of stars you can see right now in Missouri:
Tony Orlando
The Village People
Tim Conway
Yakov
Andy Williams
Oak Ridge Boys

It's like a who's who of Hollwood Squares participants.

Option #2: Airbus A380

The newly famous double decker is larger than a 747 by quite a bit. Of course, recently the engines have been falling off of the airplane, but I doubt that will affect us much. B will charter the entire plane and we'll just fly all over the place and combine the bachelor(ette) party, wedding, and honeymoon in one trip. As a bonus, the TSA will grope you for free.



The TSA: Your New Prostate Doctor!

 You can eat all the peanuts you want on your way to Branson, MO, have your luggage lost, and watch an engine fall off your plane. All right B, pony up the bucks and let's make this happen.

May I Have This Dance? Do You Know The Roger Rabbit?

Permit me to tell you a story. There was once a young man who had a fade haircut. He thought he was pretty dope in his Vanilla Ice shirt on the first day of junior high school. He had had a girlfriend (or something) during 6th grade (Joanna Myers if memory serves me right). Cool dude, no doubt. I took pity on this guy, mostly because he was standing next to me in the picture line and he was taller than I was. You never know when you might need back-up. In case you couldn't tell, this guy was little B. He had a face for radio and a voice for silent films. 7th grade rolls along and they decide to torture our pubescent hormones and have a school dance. For most of us this means parting the room with a huge invisible divide with the boys as close to the wall as possible and the girls hovering in packs, whispering to each other. Maybe a slow song comes on and we go find a girl and ask, as a friend only, if she wants to dance. Once we heard the Bryan Adams song "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" come on, you found the girl you liked, because the song was about 18 minutes long. So we've got a girl and we've got a song, we now take our place in the middle of the divide and create a space big enough to drive a truck through while my arms are around her hips and her arms are around my neck.

Once a fast song comes on we fake some injury or something and make our way back to our respective corner, a la a pair of boxers.

But not our hero B. Nope, he grabs Austin Lee (no relation) and they head out in their fade haircuts and Vanilla Ice shirts and do the Roger Rabbit. The crowd looks on while their lower jaws drop at the sight. I think you could have parked the Goodyear Blimp in my mouth while they tore up the floor.

Is this the type of material we can expect at the wedding? What sucker will be playing the Austin Lee role? Who will be getting the fade haircut? Attend the wedding and find out.


Thanks for clicking on those links. Keep on clicking folks, I've gotta get food on the table!