We Have Contact! *OR* Spend More Money On Me

Gather around folks, it's true story time. This week's episode is brought to you by the movie From Justin To Kelly.

Moving on, Brent Lee himself called me this past week. Sure, this may not sound like much to you, but considering he never calls and hardly sends a text or an email, this was a big break-through. You might think we only talked about horsepower and chicks, but it turns out that B does not really care much for horsepower. Therefore, we can assume he has never seen Top Gear and is about to lose his man-card.

 

Anyways, he informs me that I should think about making reservations at some hotel where they think they are having the wedding. I guess he hasn't been reading the blog, because I think we have opened up some alternative locations. Yes, you better hurry and make your reservations for a hotel nearly 6 months in advance to beat the St. Patrick's Day rush. Hey, I haven't even received the official invitation yet and you want me to make reservations? And wait, why am I paying to stay in some hotel to come to your wedding? Isn't that your responsibility? When I invite someone to my home for dinner, I don't make them bring dinner. Something must change here.

If that isn't enough, I am now informed that some guy with a pretty good beard has got to measure me for a tuxedo. 

 Again, I thought that we had explored some other options that were quite a bit more comfortable than wearing a tie, vest, coat, and someone else's shoes. And here comes the kicker, B wants me to pay for that too! Wait just a minute here, are you saying that none of my suits are good enough for you? I look pretty darn good in them and I have a wide variety of ties to choose from. This is all quite tragic.

Yes, the conversation turned elsewhere and we caught up on some things and discussed his Halloween costume, which I did not know was going to be shiny. 

I would not trust that man to pilot my red wagon, let alone an airplane. Did you know he once hit about 12 cows while driving a firetruck? Yup, this is your state money here folks.

Here's to waiting to hear from B until February when the groomsdudes go on a vacation and we see if B decides to tag along and call it his "bachelor party."

Here Little Boy, Would You Like Some Candy?

Phew, planning a wedding is tough work. No wonder there are wedding planners like Jennifer Lopez to take the stress off the bride. Hang on...didn't she end up stealing the groom? Ignore the whole "like Jennifer Lopez" bit.

We've put together 21 posts over the past few weeks and boy, are our fingers tired! Hey, I'm here all week, try the veal. On behalf of all of us here at Downward Brent Lee (which, admittedly, does sound like a yoga pose), we want to wish you a happy and safe Halloween. But what would Downward Brent Lee be without some friendly advice to get you through the weekend? We'd be nothing I tell you, NOTHING!

Now, I've dressed as all kinds of things for Halloween. I've been a bum, a hippie, a ninja, a ghost, Woody Woodpecker, a goth (with Greg Kathol), an Assistant Director of Admission, Bing Crosby, and an evil lifeguard. Why do I bring this up? Good question, I'm not quite sure myself.

Right, advice. Okay, be sure you are visible to others if you are going trick-or-treating.

Yes, I think that will. I think people will see you from a mile away dressed like that. Even better, try it at the airport. They're always up for a good laugh. I'll give you a dollar if you try it.

Make sure you don't wear the same thing as everyone else. It is just embarrassing.

You want to ensure that you stay topical. Don't stray too far from the current or the timeless.

Anyone remember Judge Lance Ito? I thought so.

You don't want to be too political and ostracize yourself too quickly. I'm looking at you Joe The Plumber. This could also be a little too far from topical.

Stay current. Sure, there will be Lady Gagas galore and a Snooki here and there. What about Tom Bosley?

Last year the big hit was Billy Mays.

You could try and be scary or humorous or traditional. Whatever you decide, wear it with pride.

After you have hit the mean streets of your suburban neighborhood with pillowcases full of candy, rush right home before it gets too dark and all the spooks come out. There is nothing worse than being out when people are tossing toilet paper into trees or flinging failed chicken spawn (those are eggs folks) at windows.  Nope, come on home and lay your candy out on the table and make sure that there is nothing unsafe in that bag. Candy Apples are a no go. Same with popcorn. Ugh, and those horrible wax teeth. Just toss 'em. And that stupid dentist who handed out the toothbrush? Doesn't he know about the mean kids? Once you have that sorted, get a box and put half of the candy in the box, especially the M&Ms and 3 Musketeers and write my name on the box. That's Justin Voss, just write it right there on top. Ok, now seal it up with some tape and send it to the post office. Don't forget to buy the insurance, we don't want something happening to it.

There, now you have had a safe and sane Halloween and you will be around for the wedding. Turns out that Halloween planning is just as difficult. I think I have found a new career.