Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Hey Ladies *OR* How To Be Smooth And Pick Up On Single Ladies At A Wedding

I am sure you have heard by now that weddings tend to be a great place to pick up on single people. You've got romance in the air mixed with alcohol and desperation. How can you not strike when this iron is hot? You might even be familiar with the Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughan vehicle, "Wedding Crashers" where the two aforementioned gentlemen are all about going to weddings and picking up ladies.
Hot dang! They did it!
Really, this is the pinnacle of being single. You've got people dressed in their best (or at the least the best that the bride and groom have put them in), surrounded by flowers, food, family, kids, doves, a Prince tribute band, a chocolate fountain, bad dancing, and awkward toasts.
As a public service, and since I am happily married, I am going to give you some of the best pick-up lines I know to use at a wedding. These are all trademarked and you owe me $.33 every time you use one. If it successful, you owe me $.66. Just keep that in mind before rolling out these gems.
  • Nice flowers eh?
  • Would you like to go back to the room where the bride gets ready and try on some make-up?
  • Care for another chicken kabob?
  • Are you team B or team Corrin? (this only works at B and Corrin's wedding)
  • Sure, I've read Twilight, and I think I want to become a werewolf.
  • I saw you standing there, not doing the YMCA. Did you forget how to spell?
  • Are those pants rented? Because I want you to lose your cleaning deposit.
  • I love spring weddings, they remind me of my previous four marriages.
  • My wife? Oh, she won't know.
  • Come here often?
  • Does this look like herpes to you?
  • I've got this strange thing on my foot and you look like a podiatrist.
  • Is that the way you normally look?
  • Wanna role my 12-sided die?
  • Are you familiar with the 90's hit "Banditos" by the Refreshments? That was written about me.

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