Let's Toast, To Me!

You longtime followers of the blog will notice our new look. Yup, that's our new look. Nifty. And hello to our newest follower, Greg. Granted, this is partly his idea, so I take it back.

We've all been to weddings, right? We've sat through plenty of ceremonies in churches, on the beach, in the mountains, at McDonald's, the list just goes on. And then we've been to the receptions that follow where, in exchange for our attendance we are rewarded with a dry piece of chicken in some sauce that we just can't quite make out. Is that a hollandaise or just a chicken gravy? We will never know.

And then we hear the clinking of glasses and we all want to see the newly married couple give a little kiss. Somehow the evening moves on and it is time for the toast. So this guy get's up, roasts his best friend and we are supposed to be endeared.

Not that I have been asked to give a toast, but I thought I would give you a taste of what you might hear. I might look like this:

And I would say this "B, I've known you for 20 years or so now and for that, I am sorry. I've seen you hit your face on a pole before going swimming. I've seen you wear a Vanilla Ice shirt. I've seen you get hit in the face twice with a baseball. I've heard you try to pass kidney stones. I've heard that you hit a bunch of cows with a fire truck. I've spent countless hours in the Kona Nut. I've seen you run through stop signs and drive on the wrong side of the road. I've traveled with you, done a death march, spun around in a glider, and flown a kite out of a convertible down highway one. Oh wait, that last one was Greg. All that being said, I've never seen you happier than you are with Corrin and I wish you both the best. Cheers."

Of course, there would be laughter and then a solemn moment as we realize I might have a heart. Then I would demand some attention and appreciation for my moment and basically shift the spotlight to me, where it belongs. People would open their wallets and their hearts to me and shower me with gifts. Wow, this sounds great. Huh? I've got to wait until March? Of 2012? Ah, nevermind.