Do You Take This Man? An Open Letter To Corrin

Dear Corrin,
  I've known B for 18 or so years. I'm not even sure his brother has known him that long. I've seen his Vanilla Ice phase and I've seen his cassette singles of rap tunes phase. I've spent countless hours in the Kona Nut (he had a car a year before I did). I've seen way too many movies with him. I've seen him eat the same lunch throughout high school, including the two Chips Ahoy cookies every day.

I was there when his face made unfortunate contact with a pole in a locker room (I'll spare you the gross details). So now that I have established my credentials, let's talk B.

He's a sensitive soul. He loves kittens and Nicholas Sparks books. He owns every Indigo Girls album and has seen them three times in concert. His collection of flannel shirts is only rivaled by Norm Abram of New Yankee Workshop.

Carrot Top is his favorite comedian and there is little he wouldn't do for a cocktail made with Aftershock.

He follows all the hot trends. In fact, he doesn't want to scare you, but he loves the Emo look. This is what you would see at the fire station.

But sometimes he is Four Popped Collars Cool.

Simply put, you're getting a confused man who likes to plow into cows. Ah, but you'll have fun.