Slowly Getting To A Point *OR* Do Your Own Thing

Did you miss me? No? Okay, I understand.

A great positive way to start off a new blog, right?

Thanksgiving has come and gone, but our guts are all just a little bit bigger. And we'll carry that joy all the way until Christmas and then think about getting rid of it around the New Year, but we'll get either lazy or cold and forget all about it.

As promised, Greg and I went to the LA Auto Show and spent about 5 hours molesting and breaking cars apart. I even met TV's The Stig!

Me hanging with The Stig from Top Gear!

Have you ever watched the BBC version of Top Gear? Pure Genius. But who was not at the Auto Show? Our own Brent Lee. I can prove it.

See? This was out in public for anyone to see.

Where is this one going? I wasn't sure for a moment, but I think I have a topic now. File this one under "marriage advice." Yup, we're making files and making you store things. Luckily, this one is simple. While you are two people coming together as one or something sappy like that, you are still two people. And as two people, you have different interests. B's interests include flannel, wine, and fire. Not necessarily in that order either. Corrin's interests (as far as I can tell) are taking pictures, country music, and charity work. But you have to keep some things to yourself. A place that you can always go that you can call yours. My place like that is either an auto dealership or Best Buy. Don't really know why, just places I tend to head when I need to get out and do something.

So Corrin, let B walk down the street to Paul's house so they can listen to 80s music and talk about Smokey the Bear. And B, let Corrin have her girl's nights. Trust me, it is good for you both.

In general blog news, we are going to finally go away from a daily posting regiment. I know, where else will you spend hours online? We are aiming for a few times a week, but I guess this means you have to check in all the time to see what may be new. Have a great week and start thinking about getting me a Christmas present. I'll give you a hint.

Pass The Turkey, And The Gravy, And The Stuffing, And The Gravy, And The Potatoes, And The Gravy...

Downward Brent Lee is going to take next week off to celebrate Thanksgiving, so this will be the last post for a week. You better enjoy it. And don't forget to vote in the poll.

Who doesn't love Thanksgiving? Easily the best meal of the year. You've got the turkey, or if you prefer, a Turducken. Here is a recipe if you want to try it out this year.

For those who are not familiar with the wonder that is Turducken, permit me to explain. This is Thanksgiving with an extra kick. You have a chicken inside a duck inside the turkey. That's right, three winged animals living happily ever after in my gut! But I think we should kick it up a notch. This bird is missing some bacon. And maybe a nice chicken/apple sausage inside as well. And why don't we stick it in a pig and smoke it for 14 hours over a lovely oak fire? Greg, I hope you are reading today because we may need to try that. We will call it "PiBacTurDuckEnAge." Pig, Bacon, Turkey, Duck, Chicken, Sausage all combined. Like Voltron. Sure, each lion is good on its own, but come together and form Voltron? Yup, evil space people better watch out!

Back to Thanksgiving. A time when we gather as family to sit around a mix of tables strewn around the house so that everyone has a seat. Of course, one person either gets stuck at the kid's table or has a tv tray in the bathroom. A time when that weird uncle from North Carolina tells you how much you've grown and how much family means to him. Granted, the last time you heard from him was years ago, we're obviously number one on his list. Luckily you can drown your sorrows out in vats of gravy. Literally the drippings from the PiBacTurDuckEnAge mixed with some flour and some stock so you can put that back on everything on the table.

And then, there is the pie. I'm always torn about what my favorite part of the meal is. I love turkey (or whatever) and I love gravy. Always a fan of potatoes and rolls and you can't go wrong with stuffing either. But pie? Wow, I do love pie. I'm torn between pumpkin and apple. It seems someone has solved this issue as well, by combining the pies together into an orgy of flavor.

I just might have to try this recipe. Greg, are you in?

And then there is the post-Thanksgiving hangover. I'm not referring to the alcohol induced one, I'm talking the food-coma-pants-don't-fit hangover. I love this too. And knowing I will be eating the same meal for the next four days make me happy.

What does this have to do with B and Corrin? Nothing. Can't I take a day of from wedding planning just once? Gheesh, you're like my North Carolina uncle. Get off my back!

Have a great Thanksgiving. If you are in the Los Angeles area, don't forget to go to the LA Auto Show. Greg and I will be there Monday. We've only been going for the past 15 years. B has come twice. Paul: zero times. Bring your tools, Greg and I try to take apart as many cars as we can before we are politely asked to leave. Good times!

It Is My Turn To Make It Big

<-------NEW POLL. CHECK IT OUT!


If anyone follows blogs in general and entertainment, you might be aware that many blogs are being turned into books, television series, and movies. Only in America can the ramblings of an angry shut-in who spends all day eating M&Ms and drinking RC Cola get a bigger deal than the $40 a month he was making off his little blog.

Bing Crosby thinks RC Cola tastes best!

What does this mean for Downward Brent Lee? Are we getting picked up by CBS to make a television show like $#*! My Dad Says? No. I can't imagine this would ever become a tv show. Who would play B? I think Ben Savage should play B. Corrin will be played by Danielle Fishel. What can I say? Those kids had chemistry on Boy Meets World, let's bring them back together.

Okay, waaaaay off topic. As mentioned yesterday, Greg thought of a great idea to celebrate the wedding of B and Corrin. How about a Downward Brent Lee book? Yes, you too can recreate the many months of endless blog posting about random topics like Vanilla Ice, Carl, and the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer! This beautiful hardbound book can be yours simply by attending the wedding. At over 200 pages, this will certainly be a page-turner. Page-turner, what a stupid phrase. How else are you going to get through a book other than turning pages? Seriously people. Just like "ice cold." If it was cold as ice, it would be frozen! Think about it.

Back to the book. Let's think of some chapters.

1. The history of B in 4 words or less
2. How to give B crap
3. How to give Paul crap
4. How to give Paul crap about B
5. How Greg & Jave give crap to Paul & B
6. B hit some cows with a firetruck
7. Paul travels, but where is the Shutterfly web album?
8. B gets married- people do the Roger Rabbit
9. Jave tackles a blog
10. All rejoice as B and Corrin get married
11. Where is Carl?

As you can tell, some of these chapters are out of order, but I think I have a good outline going here. Look for the Downward Brent Lee book in your local independent book seller, or Amazon.com.

Thanks as always for stopping by. Click on the links. Tell your friends. Send me cookies.

400 Visitors? Who Knew 400 People Would Want To Read Garbage? I Guess That Is How They Sell "People" Magazine.

We have crested 400 visitors to Downward Brent Lee! This is quite the accomplishment. This means one of two things:
1. You really like B and Corrin
2. You find me hilarious

For obvious reasons, mostly due to my ego, we are going with choice #2. Yes, I am funny (looking). Sure, my dry wit may turn people away and my sarcasm may keep them away. However, it seems as though there are a choice few who enjoy this kind of abuse. Come to think of it, this must be why B and I have been friends for 18 or so years. He is a glutton for punishment, luckily Corrin is here to coddle him. (Anyone just notice I was able to use "glutton" and "coddle" in the same sentence?)

I apologize for the lazy posting the last two days, time has been a bit short as I am playing Mr. Mom again. Let me tell you, I look darn good in a house dress.

How to make up for lazy posting and 400 visitors? Let's give you a new post with a fresh idea. Granted, the fresh idea comes from our longtime collaborator, Greg Kathol. I've known Greg for 18 or so years as well and have learned....um....learned how to....hmmm....errrr......grilling technique. Sure, that's it. To return the favor, I will plug the Kathol website: www.pinewoodderbycars.com . This is your one stop shop for pinewood derby cars. You know what, let's just save his idea for tomorrow, I think I just came up with an idea.

Question: How can we get people together at a wedding and get past all the dull kissing and cake cutting than by engaging guests in a race? Answer: BY STAGING A PINEWOOD DERBY!

It is so simple. Mail out kits (from www.pinewoodderbycars.com) with the invitations. Encourage guests to create their own cars and be ready to weigh and race at the reception. Mine would be awesome. I would name it Carl and it would not be rednecky. It might be inspired by Vanilla Ice, it might not be. I want to surprise all of you at the wedding and crush you with my superior abilities to launch a piece of wood on wheels down a track. We could all do some side bets and make some money too. I don't know why this idea hasn't caught on yet.

Ok, I think I may have redeemed myself. Tomorrow we tackle Greg's idea. Thanks to everyone for reading, I really appreciate it. It just makes my ego bigger, but it wasn't big to start with.

Keep clicking on those links and making me rich!

Being Mr. Mom

Once you are married and are starting your family, you have to plan for little Carl, when he arrives. Carl, of course, being the name of your first child, as we have established in previous posts. I am now an expert in parenting with over 2 months of experience, so I feel I have a lot to add.

I have been baby-sitting (or as it should be called, just being dad) a bunch lately while my wife is off working. I get to be Mr. Mom.



No, not the 1983 movie featuring Michael Keaton, who went on to play Batman. But a real-life stay at home dad struggling with the day to day activities that a 2 month old boy needs. The breast-feeding is the worst, I don't think he is getting anything from me (that's a joke, I've got plenty).

So here are some tips for B when he has to take care of Carl while Corrin is out making the big bucks or doing some great community service (that last one was actually sincere folks. Rare on this blog).

• Sleep when you can.
• Be patient. Carl is going to take you to your very last nerve.
• Let the house go. Become a hoarder and get a TLC show.
• Take the kid to the park and the store- those are great places to pick up on women. And what woos a woman more than a baby?
• Dress Carl up in his favorite Johnny Cash shirt. He looks awesome!

• Don't leave Carl alone with the baby powder. 

I'm sure I have other tips. But again, this blog has been half-assed today. Sorry, I've been a bit busy today. Enjoy your day anyways, now that I've ruined it by not giving you the humor you were expecting.

Every Couple Needs Their Names Smashed Together- Poll Results

We've all heard of Brangelina, Beniffer, and other smashed up couple names.

Sometimes it gets a little hard to mash up the names into one cutesy couples name. Take myself for example, I could be part of "Jamanda" or "Amustin" but honestly, neither of those has a ring to it. Luckily, B & Corrin don't have this problem. In our last poll we offered a few options for an awesome couples name for our betrothed-elect. I am happy to announce that we had a tie! So, I guess we should have a run off or something. Naw, skip it, I will just choose. The tie was between "Clee" and "Born." I choose "Clee" mostly because it will be great when they have a kid named Carl.

Next time you are invited to their home or hang out with the engaged pair, be sure to address them as Clee. They need to loose any sense of who they are as individuals and become a single entity for the rest of time.

It will be great when they are announced for the first time once they are married. There will be no need for "Mr. and Mrs. Lee" we can just jump to "Clee."

Even better is the fact that we can ride the popularity of the hit Fox television program, Glee.

I'm thinking we can cross-promote somehow.

Well, we can all tell that I half-assed that blog post. Maybe you'll get lucky later in the week and I will put some effort into it. Enjoy your day folks!

Roadtrip- Day 5: It's 'Bear'-ly Over

We've done it! We have taken this wedding across the country and taken it out of the stuffy confines of churches, ballrooms, and country clubs to make it a once in a lifetime experience. This was not just one magical night of wedding bliss, this has been an entire week or marital memories. Oh, the stories we could tell. Like the time that B got his hand stuck while trying to reach for a corn dog on a stick.

But enough about that, let's explore our final destination, shall we? We've made it to the other coast and are in Lincoln, New Hampshire. Contrary to popular belief, this town in the White Mountains of New Hampshire is not named after Abraham Lincoln- famed beard wearer. No, it was named in 1764 after the Earl of Lincoln- darn Tories.

The best part of Lincoln though has to be Clark's Trading Post (any relation Corrin?). Opened in 1928 near Route 3, the Trading Post was originally meant to be a showcase for Ed Clark's pure bred Eskimo sled dogs. And who wouldn't come from miles around to see some Eskimo dogs?

They don't look like they will rip your face off, do they?

Ed and his wife Florence decided that dogs were boring and took the next logical step in animal ownership: black bears.

Not content with simply trying to own and domesticate a black bear (a natural killer), the Clarks, further demonstrating their lack of respect for the food chain, decided to teach the bear tricks. When you visit now, you can watch 30 minutes of unleashed and unmuzzled bears balancing on balls and eating their trainers. Bring the kids!

But that's not all. You can't simply have a man-eating bear show as your only attraction. Seriously now, how do people with only one attraction do it? "Nice land-locked lighthouse. What else you got?" There is a train ride where the Wolfman will persuade you to not visit any further.

That's the Wolfman. He could keep me from visiting New Hampshire in general, let alone Clark's Trading Post. However, all of that is just cliche. What makes New Hampshire the jewel in the Northeast? Chinese Acrobats of course! Well, Clark's has those too. Could it get any better? You ask such silly questions, of course it can.

There is a mystery house (Tuttle's Lodge),  a Segway tour, a place called Merlin's Mansion, some blaster boats, and a climbing wall. Wow, we need a week just to take in all the glory of Clark's.

What a great way to end our week long journey across America to see some of the best sights and to celebrate B and Corrin's wedding. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to see these places. Sign up now, spaces are limited.

That's it for this week folks. Thanks for clicking on the links and voting in the poll. Keep on clicking and keep on reading. And tell your friends- they owe me.

And if you have suggestions for topics Downward Brent Lee should cover, send them along via a comment or snail mail (along with some chocolate chip cookies).

Roadtrip- Day 4: I'm Sorry, You're Putting Your Hand WHERE?

Do the titles of the blogs scare you as much as they scare me sometime? Just checking.

We are nearing the end of our cross-country roadtrip, only 2 more days to go. But we may have saved some of the best for last. We're going to the only state that ends in "Ucky"...that's right, Kentucky. The Bluegrass State. Home of horse racing and Louisville Baseball Bats. However, I have some great locations in mind for the fourth day of the wedding roadtrip. Just south of Cincinnati, OH is the wonderful city of Fort Mitchell, KY. 8,700 shiny happy faces wait to greet you, but only 8,000 of those are human. This is no zombie town. It is home to the world's only museum dedicated to ventriloquism. The Vent Haven Museum is the world's destination for dummies.

There is an entire theater where the seats are filled with dummies (the ventriloquist type). Can you imagine walking into that dark room and flipping on the lights? Creepy. Between 900 and 1200 people visit the museum each year; we could help them have a banner year by hosting a wedding. There will always be someone to dance with! And if you like, you can stick around for the ConVENTion (that is how they type it) where dummies and their dolls (get the joke?) come to not talk to each other.

Once we have had our fill of people drinking water while their doll continues to talk, we can head about 15 minutes down the road to the night's accommodations. Down in Florence, KY is party central: the Wildwood Inn. What makes this place so special? The theme suites of course.

Just look at some of these rooms. A pirate ship? Check. Cheesy Cupid Room? Done. Some semblance of New York, or just a creepy statue in your room? They got that too. They even have a Tropical Dome, where the after-party can begin.

Because when I think Kentucky, I think Tropical Dome.

Really, this is what America is all about. Ignore wherever you are, let's think about someplace else. Las Vegas has Paris, New York, Italy, Oz, and plenty of others. When in Los Angeles you can go to China or Mexico. When in New York you can really be anywhere you most likely don't want to be. Why be happy where you are when there might someplace else that could be better? This is the American way and the only way to celebrate the wedding of B and Corrin. Sure, we want to be at the wedding, but there might be someplace better that we could be.

Don't forget to vote in the poll and click on the links. Check in tomorrow for our last destination.

Roadtrip- Day 3: Feeling Corny

We've done northern California and bits of Utah, so where do we head next? Mitchell, South Dakota of course!

Only 74 miles east of Sioux Falls, SD, Mitchell is where grain reins supreme. Incorporated in 1881, Mitchell boasts over 14,000 Mitchellites. According to the pictures that are shuffling on the city website, the city has an upside down waterpark, a baseball field, and some flowers. What more do you need to create a vibrant city? Heck, at least Morro Bay has a rock. And three stacks. And what must be the most photographed sailboat ever. Does the owner ever take that thing around? Does he get a percentage from the photos taken? If so, I probably owe a few dollars.

Back to Mitchell and the real reason we have chosen it as stop number three on our wedding road trip. Nothing else than the world's only Corn Palace. Can you believe it, an entire building dedicated to and celebrating the multiple uses of corn.

The entire facade of the building is covered in corn. Seriously. Corn. The entire building. Corn. I can barely cover my home in paint, let alone something edible. This building was built in 1921 and serves as a community gathering location. In fact, on November 14 there will be a George Jones concert. So get your tickets and head out.

I'll admit I only barely know George Jones by name, but look at that hair. I don't think he looks like that anymore, but what a hunk of a man. And he has his own brand of coffee. If I could only be that good.



Back to the Corn Palace. I doubt there are many California residents who have been married at the Corn Palace. Think about getting married someplace where the facade changes every year and is based on something I can make a pudding out of. Simply an amazing feat! At only $450 to rent the space for the evening, it is a steal. I'm sure you can take some corn home too, what a great gift for wedding gifts.


What are we waiting for? Let's pile in that limo and find our way to Mitchell, South Dakota, home to the Corn Palace.


Click on those Google links folks. These posts don't write themselves. Otherwise I will have to share stories about B, and B doesn't want that. But you do..... Oh, and vote for your favorite name in the poll.

You should thank me for staying away from all of the corn-related puns I could have used. But if you want some, here is where we could have headed:

• It was a-maiz-ing
• Awww, shucks
• A little kernel of truth
• It's not a cob out
• You don't need to stalk out your ground
• As long as you aren't ear-responsible
• You'll pop out of your seat

And so on, and so forth...

Roadtrip- Day 2: Land Of Jell-O And Bees

Day 1 was a success in Klamath, California to see Paul Bunyan. Now we head further east into the great state of Utah- the "Industry State" but better known as the Beehive State.

Today we have a few choices of where to go for B & Corrin's second wedding celebration. The most obvious choice would be the Golden Spike in Brigham City, Utah. According to Brigham City, your future is here. I'm not sure what that means and having been to Brigham City, I have a difficult time believing that. But, we'll play it up for the blog here.

Note the motto on the sign: World's Greatest Game Bird Refuge.

What better location to symbolize the coming together of two people than Brigham City, home of the Golden Spike, where the Transcontinental Railroad was joined together, connecting East and West.

While Brigham City offers the big tourist opportunities, why don't we head off the beaten path and find something a little more...kitschy? Let's head on down to Cedar City, Utah and find the Landlocked Lighthouse.

You'll be pleased to know the lighthouse is taking the responsibility seriously. No ships have crashed upon the curbs of Cedar City in over 25 years. It is just like the giraffe repellent I have been spraying in my yard. I haven't seen a giraffe since I started spraying.


This little beauty does not sit near any major body of water at all. Why a lighthouse near the four corners? Some might say it illuminates inner beauty. We all know that is a crock. In theory this actually is a beacon for a shopping center, but at 88 feet tall, we can only hope there is something more.



Let's recap, shall we? Utah offers us the chance for some symbolism to attach to this wedding. We have brought two parties together, much like the connection of the Transcontinental Railroad. And we have instilled a beacon of light to guide their lives by visiting Cedar City. Is there nothing Utah can't do? They practically hand you Jell-O as you cross the state line. Just don't visit on a Sunday, it is pretty quiet.



Tune in tomorrow to see where we end up. Don't forget to click on Google's links. They like it. This way they can keep my android phone going.

Roadtrip- Day 1: "I'll See Your Big Blue Ox, And Raise You A Giant Lumberjack"

As promised, this week's theme idea is a wedding roadtrip. Much like Paris Hilton had forty 21st birthdays across the globe, B & Corrin are going to have 5 different weddings across the country. This, in case you have forgotten, is Paris Hilton.

Those commercials really add up.

So our first destination to have the first wedding (and some might say, most important) is in Klamath, California. Beautiful Klamath is right here on the map. Near.....Kwungrghunme? Yup, the northern part of California.

Why have we chosen here, if not for the ease of location (right off Highway 101)? Simple, it is home to one of the greatest roadside attractions ever....Paul Bunyan and Babe The Big Blue Ox.

Even better? Paul talks to you. Standing at a glorious 49 feet and 2 inches, Paul commands attention like only a giant lumberjack can. Not to mention he has a blue ox by his side. Oh, and the blue ox is anatomically correct. (Insert your own jokes here).

Paul is part of the Trees Of Mystery, a place I have actually been more than once. The Trees Of Mystery are ready for your wedding at the Cathedral Tree.

A splendid setting, but it seems a bit lonely. We, of course, would surround the happy couple looking like Norm Abram.

Luckily, the Trees Of Mystery have us covered with lodging as well, with the Trees Motel.

What a wonderful way to spend your first night as a married couple. Be reminded of the natural beauty and splendor that surrounds you with genuine wood paneling and wall hanging of the forest. I can almost hear that babbling brook now. Here is one last parting glance at Paul & Babe from their live webcam.

Check in tomorrow to see where we are headed next. And as always, don't forget to click on the links that Google has so kindly provided. Most of the money earned will go to B & Corrin's wedding gift, as if this blog isn't enough.

By the way, did anyone notice that the adds that were showcased for the "chickenpox" blog were all about shingles and herpes? Thanks Google!

Pack Up Your Bags, We're Going On A Roadtrip!

Note the new poll that started today off to the left. Be sure to vote for your favorite.

The problem with weddings today? They're stagnant. You arrive at one place for the ceremony and often you stay at that same location for the reception. Or maybe the reception is a few miles away just so you can ride in a cool limo.

I don't even know what that is, but I like that there are 6 wheels and a porthole. Looks like a washing machine, doesn't it?

So how do we freshen up the old-boring-couple-hour-chicken-dinner-throw-flowers-click-glasses-sappy-toast wedding? We take it on the road! It'll be like the Grateful Dead touring during the summer. A bunch of dirty wedding guests traipsing across the country waiting to hear the best version of the vows.

I'm the guy with the mustache for those that don't know me.

The really dedicated followers are tapping into the soundboard so they can trade tapes with other fans who couldn't make the trip. We can use the blog and Facebook along with other nifty social media to document the "strange trip."

So how do we make this journey? We could easily use the limo described above. But that doesn't really scream roadtrip. As Fred Schneider of the B-52's would say, "I've got me car, it's as big as a whale and we're headin' on down to the love shack. I've got me a Chrysler, it seats about twenty, so hurry up and bring your jukebox money"

Yep, we're piling in a giant Chrysler and headed off across this great country of ours and hitting all the best places across America. We're going to see some great sites and create some amazing wedding memories for B and Corrin. You won't be needing a passport where we are going. Just bring yourself, a camera, some wedding attire, a sense of adventure, some petroleum jelly, and a towel. We're going where only the deadheads go!

Next week is dedicated to the sights on the road trip that we will see. In the meantime, click on those links that Google has put there. I'll make you a deal, all the money I make on the clicked links will be spent on a wedding gift for B and Corrin. Have a great weekend. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires!

Poll Results- Looks Like This Party Starts Where It All Began *OR* Justin's Rant About Chickenpox

You've waited patiently while our little poll was conducted. What poll? The poll on the left hand side of the blog. There was a poll? Yup.

According to the election results, we can call the race of wedding location on behalf of the lunch table at La Canada High School. Amazing, this wedding will be at the high school that B attended, along with many other followers of Downward Brent Lee.

B can cater the lunch with a sandwich, an apple, a Pepsi, and some cookies. This was his standard meal for at least six years while attending La Canada High (which has a Jr. High on the same campus, don't freak out on us people). Doesn't that sound lovely?

In all honesty, you could not have chosen a better location.You have a full table with seating for 8. Those that remember though will recall that some of us stood and we were able to squeeze more people in. Point of interest: the only time I sat I found out I was getting the chicken pox at 16, right over my birthday. Did you send me pity gifts? No. And I still resent you for that.You know a boy only turns 16 once and you had to ruin it by a) giving me chickenpox and b) not celebrating or sending me a miniature horse. What great friends you all turned out to be.

"Bitter, party of one?"
"Yes, that's me"
"Would you like to have a seat over here, away from the action?"
"You would put me over there, wouldn't you?"
"Sir, are you feeling surly?"
"Yes, I suppose I am."
"In that case, we have a space for you on the lawn...waaaaay over there."
"That will do."

Ok, moving on... You have the overhanging tree to provide some shade in the shadow of the gym. And oh, the memories. Stephany hitting me in the arm. Mike G. and Lisa fighting. Dan chasing Guy around the school. Paul and Greg doing whatever they did. Lisas multiplying like rabbits. There must have been about 16 that hung out there at one point. Romance bloomed and fizzled. Food was thrown and plans were made. And I got chickenpox. Did I already mention that?

Where else to start off your new life as husband and wife than a high school that one of you attended. Oh, La Canada, proud and grand, we attended your school and left without killing anyone. A feat within itself.

Sure, this leaves out any attachment that Corrin may have to anything. Sometimes we have to make some sacrifices to support our loved ones. And who could be more important at this wedding than the wedding planner? That's right, we're here to make me happy.

What's that?
This isn't about me?
The blog isn't named after me?
Is there no justice in this world?
But I had the chickenpox!
That doesn't matter?!  (educational moment, a question mark mixed with an exclamation point is called an interrobang. Look it up)
Whose side are you on?

Fine fine, we'll let the bride and groom choose their own location. Just know that 8 people voted for the lunch table.

May I Have This Dance? Do You Know The Roger Rabbit?

Permit me to tell you a story. There was once a young man who had a fade haircut. He thought he was pretty dope in his Vanilla Ice shirt on the first day of junior high school. He had had a girlfriend (or something) during 6th grade (Joanna Myers if memory serves me right). Cool dude, no doubt. I took pity on this guy, mostly because he was standing next to me in the picture line and he was taller than I was. You never know when you might need back-up. In case you couldn't tell, this guy was little B. He had a face for radio and a voice for silent films. 7th grade rolls along and they decide to torture our pubescent hormones and have a school dance. For most of us this means parting the room with a huge invisible divide with the boys as close to the wall as possible and the girls hovering in packs, whispering to each other. Maybe a slow song comes on and we go find a girl and ask, as a friend only, if she wants to dance. Once we heard the Bryan Adams song "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" come on, you found the girl you liked, because the song was about 18 minutes long. So we've got a girl and we've got a song, we now take our place in the middle of the divide and create a space big enough to drive a truck through while my arms are around her hips and her arms are around my neck.

Once a fast song comes on we fake some injury or something and make our way back to our respective corner, a la a pair of boxers.

But not our hero B. Nope, he grabs Austin Lee (no relation) and they head out in their fade haircuts and Vanilla Ice shirts and do the Roger Rabbit. The crowd looks on while their lower jaws drop at the sight. I think you could have parked the Goodyear Blimp in my mouth while they tore up the floor.

Is this the type of material we can expect at the wedding? What sucker will be playing the Austin Lee role? Who will be getting the fade haircut? Attend the wedding and find out.


Thanks for clicking on those links. Keep on clicking folks, I've gotta get food on the table!

Today's Post Is A Cop Out

Today we're lazy. But you do get a bonus after you do some work for me.

This is a shameless plug to have you click on some of the ads. You don't have to buy anything and Google has spent so much time thinking about which ads you would like to see. Maybe there is an ad for cake. Everyone likes cake, so click on it. Simple right? Downward Brent Lee wants to become a force on the interhighway of love.

If you do, I will post more pictures of B in different situations. Like this one:

So many jokes, all way too mean.