Marriage Advice, The Kind We Could All Use

We've failed on one of our major tenants of this blog. We are here to give advice, not just for the wedding, but we should think long-term. A good marriage is not simply built upon a kick-ass wedding, but a lifetime of understanding, or some such garbage I've been told.

The fancy books will tell you all kinds of things on how to build a successful marriage. Dr. Laura will tell the wife that she needs to serve her man. Luckily, we here at Downward Brent Lee are all about equality because, gosh darnit, if women want to do crappy work for little pay, we can be down with that. (Please read that with sarcasm, like this entire blog). You don't need a fancy book, you just need access to the world wide web and a browser pointed to Downward Brent Lee. So we will hit some tips as we go about our bloggy way (and yes, I just coined "bloggy." Jealous?).

Today's tip comes courtesy of Greg Kathol. Greg attributes his successful marriage not to open communication or unconditional love, but an understanding of how the toilet paper should be placed on the roll. I have a handy diagram here to illustrate the issue:

Greg, and his lovely wife Stephany, have built a relationship based on the proper alignment of the roll. The paper should come from the top. Simple concept, right? Ah, but you would be surprised to learn that, in a poll I made up for this post, 60% of failed marriages start with toilet paper from the bottom. Why is this wrong? As this great website so carefully illustrates, trying to tear from the under side can end up in some negative results.

Who wants to use paper that has touched the floor near the toilet? We're all about saving the planet. We saw Al Gore invent the internet and point out our flaws as humans and how it takes a toll on the environment.

Let's all come together with a greater understanding of the toilet paper alignment issue. There should be no two party system here, this is a benevolent dictatorship in which the paper should always come from the top. No ifs, ands, or "butts" about it (did you get that joke? Should I explain it?).