Who Is That Dapper Man *OR* How I Learned To Give Up And Squeeze Myself Into A Monkey Suit

I may end up blatantly stealing a Jerry Seinfeld bit, so pardon me if I do. Is it plagiarism if you admit it up front? I prefer to think of it as an homage.

One of the toughest responsibilities as a guy with the title "Groomsdude" is standing. Oh, sure for your model-types that is what they do. But anyone who knows me finds me full of energy and not willing to sit quietly and stare off into space completely ignoring anything you might be saying. Standing for a long period of time while two people stare into each other's eyes and make promises is no easy feat. Now imagine doing it in rented shoes and wearing some articles of clothing millions of sweaty dudes have worn before you.

His shirt should come with some cooling device.

The greatest thing about getting all dressed up is you can't tell one Groomsdude from another. We all look alike. Ignore the fact that I have red hair and glasses or that Greg is about a foot shorter than me or that Paul could really stand in for B and I don't think anyone would notice. If it is true about clothes making the man, then we are all the same guy. Our wives may argue differently, but I can't get with that. (I'm not really sure what that last sentence means). Here are four guys dressed in dark tuxedos waiting for the wedding to end so we can go eat something.

I'm the one with the glasses.

Of course, we could avoid the entire rented clothes thing by doing the casual shoe-less beach wedding. Everyone dressed in soft pastels while the salt water pelts your eyes and your hair goes flying a million different directions as the gentle cry of the seagull who just dropped his load on you fills the air.

That's me with my hand in my pocket. Get it? They all have their hands in their pockets.

The greatest thing about having everyone dressed the same is that if B were to get cold feet, we all just slide over one and the wedding continues. Usually the best man would take that bullet, but sometimes we all have to make a sacrifice. And really, if we were the best men, shouldn't Corrin be marrying us? We are the best! (That is the Seinfeld part).

Back to the monkey suit, surprisingly enough, they aren't very comfortable. Sure, they have been "tailored" to you, but it still feels....wrong. Guys typically don't share clothes. Aside from my dad for Halloween, I don't think I have ever borrowed some other dude's clothes. But we do it anyways, because we care, like NBC. And I'll admit, I look dapper in a tuxedo. I look dapper in a suit. Heck, I look dapper in a ratty shirt and some shorts, it is just my curse. Even when James Bond is without the tux, he still looks pretty cool, like me.

This is me after a long night. I'm intense.

I just liked this picture and wanted to use it.