Skip The Buffet, I've Got Brains *OR* My Big Fat Zombie Wedding

We are all aware of the impending doom that our civilization faces. I'm not talking about the giant hole in the ozone or Bieber Fever, I'm speaking about a zombie invasion.

We know it's real, it is just a matter of time before the undead come back and take over.

Fact: Zombies do not care about hairstyling.

Sure, we've got a lot on our plates that we need to worry about and this just adds another thing. But you have to be prepared, like a Boy Scout.

With your wedding coming up in a mater of time, we have to be prepared. What if the zombies take over before March of 2012? My scientific research suggests that we should try to blend in. If they think we are zombies, we are less likely to have our brains consumed in such a gruesome fashion. And I can't leave my son with a zombie dad, think of the children!

There are plenty of books out there about the zombie invasion, which I think is tied to the vampire craze. If you have read "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies" you know they have been around for years. Our great ruse can start with the wedding by making it a zombie wedding. Because nothing says love like half-dead blood-covered people trying to share vows of love and fidelity.

Don't they look happy?

You can get the entire group in on the action. A little blood, some torn clothes, pasty color, oh wait....I've already got the pasty color down!

And think of the money you will save on catering. Zombies don't eat real food, just bring some old people and we can feast like nothing else. However, zombies have been known to love a good slice of cake and they still have a spot in their heart for tradition, so you are going to need a wedding cake.

There is one drawback to a zombie wedding: the only song and dance played all night will be Michael Jackson's "Thriller." So on second thought, I might skip the wedding and just spend the zombie invasion in my fallout shelter. See you on the other side.