You're Wearing That? *OR* It's A Nice Day For A White Wedding

Longtime readers of the blog (all 4 of you) will note that we have covered a wide variety of wedding topics here at Downward Brent Lee. Nothing has been off limits and we've blanketed nearly every aspect of a wedding. [Random side note: typing with damp hands is more challenging than it should be.] But if you have been paying attention, there has been one topic I haven't had the guts to tackle, and there is a good reason for that. We have not talked about the wedding dress that Corrin will wear for her transformation into Mrs. B Lee.

For ages, men who have been in serious relationships have had to tread some tricky areas with tact and caring as to not offend the woman in their life. There are questions that get thrown out that require a certain "jen ne se quoi." Let me demonstrate how I answer some of the more typical questions. This will showcase how I have been married for nearly 9 years.

Q: How is my hair? 
A: On your head, where it belongs.  

Q: Am I wearing too much make-up?
A: Not if you are trying to attract a pimp or are going on-stage in a Broadway musical.

Q: Does this article of clothing make me look fat?
A: What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Q: What do you think?
A: The complete opposite of what you think, but, in order to be done with this conversation, I agree with you, but when it backfires, I will laugh at you.

(It should be noted that these are not my answers.)

Can't you tell I'm a sensitive guy? You'll also note that I am stalling here.

Ok, the dress. The thing that all of the women will talk about and that the men will forget about even as they might be staring at it. Only the groom is thinking how good it looks....crumpled up on the bedroom floor! HA!

So let's throw out some options. First is this one, direct from the catwalks of Paris:

Perfect for those women who are in touch with their marine roots. If you think about it metaphorically, she really is wrapping her tentacles around you! HA! (Wow, these jokes are good today).

This next one comes from the stripper poles of Vegas:

At least you ignore everything else about this woman.

For those dark, indoor weddings we have this option:

Clothes where you have to wear a battery pack should be outlawed, unless you are part of the Disney Electrical Light Parade.

In the "Whoops, we did this backward" category:

At least she is comfortable with her body. And what about the crow's nest hair?

In the "Killing two birds with one stone" category comes this one:

Yup, pastry. Often the bride doesn't get to eat, but she won't have to worry about that. It is only until some kids come by with the munchies.

In the "Hope it doesn't rain" category:

Most of that is paint. I guess it makes the evening a little easier.

So there you have it, a quick look through some of the options Corrin has for her wedding dress. You can thank me later.