Say It Ain't So *OR* Back From The Dead

In case you haven't seen it before, here is the crotch-cam from Brent as he descends down the Bootleg Canyon Flightline. This was one of our "big" things while out in Vegas for his bachelor party. The music obscures his screaming.

Last Post Ever? Thank Goodness!

I think it may be time to close the door on the blog and let it stand for eternity. We started this little blog on October 3, 2010, a month after my son was born. He did make one appearance to my recollection, and of course, it is a terrible picture of him. Any of you friends with me on Facebook knows I have way too many pictures of him.

But really this blog was to have fun with Brent and Corrin's wedding. I know I did and I hope that you did as well. We made some really great photoshop pictures of them:

We talked a lot about destinations for the wedding, bachelor party, and even honeymoon. Did they take any of my advice? No, of course not. Am I upset? You betcha. Are they going to hear about it at the wedding? Oh, you know it.

We have single-handily tried to revive the career of Vanilla Ice. We named B and Corrin's triplets: Abernathy, Bernard, and Carl.

At the moment there are 7,211 page views with 868 of those going to "Suck On This Kate & Will  *OR* How To Go Overboard." 31 people have found us by searching for "ugly wedding." 19 have found us by searching "3 cows."

We've recounted some stories about a younger B. We've talked about how awesome I am.

We even thought of a game to play at the wedding:

There have been 128 posts total. 33 tags for Vanilla Ice. The Stig, Ben Savage, Oprah, Ed Hardy, Paul Bunyan, Lance Ito, and Kris Kross have all been mention over the past 128 posts.

I was not sued, but I did lose the chance to earn some money from the blog. Paul swears that I am Corrin's enemy #1. I think I'm probably #3. Behind who? I am not quite sure.

Really this blog was here to entertain and not offend anyone. We were just a joke that took on it's own life. I have been careful to not release too much information about the actual wedding that I know. I will not be posting any wedding pictures here unless asked by the bride and groom.

In all seriousness, it has been a lot of fun to write this blog, especially when I had the inspiration to do so. Big thanks to Greg Kathol who helped with some ideas upon occasion and made the most comments over the course of time. Granted, you wouldn't know it was him with his pseudonyms.

Last of all, congratulations to Brent and Corrin. As mentioned before, I've known B since 7th grade some 20+ years ago. I could not count the hours I have spent with the guy and while we now go months without seeing each other, it doesn't matter. Our little crew of B, Paul, Greg, and myself have been hanging out for those 20 years and we always have a good time wherever we are.

B has always played it cool with the people in his life. He has never been the most outgoing guy, but he has always known what he wanted. Corrin has opened him up a bit and given him someone to share his life with. I am honored to be in the wedding and excited to see you both next week. They are good for each other and will lead a long and happy life together. I wish you only the best and a heartfelt congratulations.

Long live the Downward Spiral!

Home Stretch *OR* Best Wedding Gift Ever

We're just over a week away until B and Corrin finally get married and I get to put this poor blog to bed. I think we can all breath a sigh of relief over that one. But hey, over 7,000 page views and multiple references to Vanilla Ice later, I think we've created something that will stand the test of time. This is, of course, assuming that time only lasts about 3 more weeks.

I teased in the last post about the awesome wedding gift I got for B and Corrin. Thanks to some mix up with the Postal Service (and you wonder why they are bankrupt), the original never got there. So an online chat with Amazon.com later and a delivery via UPS, I can now finally reveal the best wedding present ever. I know you think that you can top it by searching for something of their registry, but you would be wrong. I have given B the gift that will simply keep on giving. He even said we could have it at the wedding. Yes, I got a copy of Vanilla Ice's movie "Cool As Ice."

Note how it says he is starring in his first motion picture. Did he make another? Oh, and no, I did not get the VHS, I got the re-release on DVD. I have shared this scene of the blog before, but it can stand a repeat.



This is solid all around. As far as I can tell there is a lot of staring off and talking to one's self while riding a motorcycle. I am sure that B will fill us in as time goes on.

In other news, I have picked up my tuxedo already. I don't want to spoil all the details since I will be looking *so fresh and so fine*, but there is some green in it.

And yes, while in a tuxedo, I do make that face and strike that pose all the time. Aren't you all lucky to be there to witness that? I did note that the tuxedo came with pants that were not my jeans. B, am I really supposed to wear some other guy's pants? Ugh.

Just a week left! Let's get this show on the road, I'm a busy man. Actually, this is oddly true, but I won't bore you with the details. I will be hearing some Vanilla Ice at the wedding, right? Otherwise, he is going to upset that he came out to the wedding and didn't hear any of his songs. Drat, I think I just ruined the surprise.

Proud Day

Proud day here at Downward Brent Lee for two reasons.

1. We've surpassed 7,000 page views. Sad little world, isn't it?

2. If you Google the phrase "world's largest rectal thermometer" this blog is the first result!

Wow, what an accomplishment. Thanks to Baker, CA for providing....this.

Getting Dapper *OR* Miami Vice Is Back....Again

Since the bachelor party is over I guess we have to focus on the actual wedding now and all of those last minute details. As a groomsdude, I am moderately busy making hotel reservations and trying to figure how to get to this wedding. I'm working on my spray tan and getting all juiced up for the pictures.

Greg and I did go today to get fitted for the wedding tuxedo. It has been a long time since I have had to rent a tux, so I was surprised that we didn't have to even try them on. The woman helping us though was not in the mood to deal with our rapid-fire humor. Basically she was a big downer. I think I'm going to have to go tanning to get over this depression.

Brent never told us what the tuxes look like, so guess what a shock it was to see this coat get draped over my beefy shoulders.

I look pretty good in a white coat and this should go well with green and it is a nice throwback to Miami Vice.

As Greg and I were checking out how awesome we would look in a few weeks, we decided that tuxedos are just so...plain. Basically you have a coat and pants with some shiny parts and a vest. There is no opportunity to be original or stand out in a crowd. Unless you look like James Bond and have an Aston Martin at your disposal, you need something extra. So while we were at the mall we may have done a little more shopping. I don't want to ruin the surprise, but I can tell you that we are going to stand out. It will be a delightful, if not dapper, addition to an otherwise boring ensemble.

In other news, I bought them a wedding present. Again, I can't ruin the surprise here (I'll tell you next week), but I may have found something not on the registry. And yes, it is something that every household needs. It certainly fills a void that you may not have known was there. I will give you a hint, it actually does appear in this blog in an earlier post. And no, it is not this:

We Survived, Sorta...

The good news is that everyone has made it home from Vegas. The bad news is that I think we broke Paul. Of course, now that I am home, I might be broken as well.

We had a good time and after realizing that the four of us had not been together like that in about 10 years, it has been decided that we need to do it again soon. But next time I might need some energy drinks to be able to keep up.

B hooked us up with some great rooms at the Aria hotel and we ate steak every night. Could there be anything worse for your heart? Possibly not, but you only live once, right? It goes without saying that we ate like kings. Fat kings, but kings nonetheless.

So here is a quick recap for those interested in living vicariously through some 30-somethings:
Day 1: Greg and I drove from LA while B and Paul drove from SLO. Greg and I pulled off at Zzyzx Road.

 There is some amazing stuff down there. A cool salt flat and some interesting views.

 Then, of course, you hit Baker, CA and the World's Largest Rectal Thermometer. It has seen better days it seems.

Here is where Greg and I made a horrible decision. We have always seen Bun Boy from the road and wondered what it was all about. So we took a risk and headed inside. Huge space and we were 2 of about 6 patrons in the place. We ordered hamburgers. Simple, right? Well, it took about 20 minutes for them to arrive. When they did they were about as hot as the surface of the sun and had been cooked to a near-hockey puck texture. Neither of us finished the world's worst burger and left feeling like putting an hot iron to our tongue would have been a better decision. 2 hours later and it still felt like I had a glowing ember in my gut. So here is our travel top tip: Don't eat at Bun Boy.

Arrival and hanging out. Dinner at Tom Colicchio's Craftsteak. Great space, great food. If you want to roll large, try the $265 wagu steak. What goes well with steak? Fireworks! So we head 30 minutes north of Las Vegas into the desert at around 11:30pm to the Moapa Travel Plaza to buy some fireworks. The great thing is that you can light them off just a few seconds down the road.

 We were there until about 1:00am blowing up about $200 worth of fireworks. We did not make all that mess you see out there, it was quite a mess before we got there.

Day 2: "Early" morning wake-up to get some old-fashioned straight edge razor shaves at the Art of Shaving.

Granted, in this picture it does kind of look like a doctor checking a corpse, but trust me, B and Paul are under those towels and very much alive. Afterwards we walked around for a bit and went back to the room to watch some football and relax. B made us get all dressed up and head over to Prime Steakhouse for night 2 of meat. After about 3 hours of expensive gluttony, we moved on and B danced for some Russian girls. That last part may be incorrect as I was not there.

Day 3 came a bit later and we grazed on a muffin while thoughts of grass-fed beef danced in our heads. We headed out to Boulder City. Why? To fly down 1.5 miles of cable dangling over the side of Bootleg Canyon. Yes, we did the Bootleg Canyon Flightlines! You get moving up to around 50 mph while you zip over your impending doom and death.

Your motley crew

Looking down at the first run

The brakes

B getting ready to fly

B is trying to cheat

Masters of the mountain

This was a lot of fun and there was no spinning around in circles involved (inside joke). We all agreed that this was something that we would do again. If you get the chance, head out and do it. It is very safe and a lot of fun.

Our last night was spent doing what else but eating steak! Yes, we did a trifecta of meat and finished off at Delmonico Steakhouse, one of Emeril's places. I really enjoyed the food there a lot and we had a nice time. The service was very warm and friendly. But B might rank some of the patrons as a 3...hard to explain.

We had a great time overall and are looking forward to doing it again before another decade passes us by. There are more pictures and some video out there and once I get them, I will put them on the blog for all 4 people who read this thing to check out.

It's On Like Donkey Kong *OR* I Need A Fix Of Second-Hand Smoke

The time has arrived for the groomsdudes to accompany Brent Lee to his bachelor party in Las Vegas. Hours of planning has come to this. As with every good bachelor party, there will be some memorable moments. I can't tell you what they are yet because they are a surprise for B, but if you stay tuned to the twitter feed @DownwardBLee, you can stay on top of all the happenings.

In doing my research and trying to find things to do in Las Vegas, I have learned that the following things are required for a bachelor party. With any luck, we will be able to cross them all off the list.

• B must wake up in a pool of his own bodily fluid. It turns out that the type of fluid is not very important.
• Some place that features a neon sign that mentions "GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!" must be frequented.
• Hair gel must be applied in copious amounts.
• Body spray should be substituted for showering.
• Awkwardly sentimental moments must be shared.
• The phrase "your life will never be the same" must be spoken often.
• Grotesque references to private parts should be uttered. (I'm leaving that to Paul)
• B must be humiliated in a public situation.
• Physical violence must occur.
• A moment will be shared where the party-goers will revel while purveying a vista.
• Convertibles should be driven and the phrase "VEGAS BABY!" should be yelled out of said convertible.
• The group must walk shoulder to shoulder in a line in slow motion in front of the Bellagio fountain while a swinging Frank Sinatra song is played.
• B should wake up one late morning in a strange hotel room wondering why his back is so sore only to find out the name "Olga" has been tattooed on his back in very large letters.

I think with all the planning I've got  most of these things covered. And don't worry Corrin, we're only going to hit places with names like "Spearmint Rhino" and "Tropical Lei." I hear they have great buffets there. Oh, and we can't forget B's return to the stage that made his famous...as a member of the Thunder From Down Under. But I am trying to recreate B in this image:

In all seriousness, stay tuned to the Twitter feed, I will live-tweet the weekend and let you honestly know what is going on. It might be this...

Pack It Up, Pack It In *OR* Do I Really 4 Pairs Of White Nikes?

It is so close, I can taste it. Scratch that. It is so close, I can smell it. Yup, that sounds about right.  The bachelor party is nearly upon us. Let the mild-mannered debauchery begin!

It seems it will be me, Zach Morris, a small bale of hay, a pretzel, and some bottles of liquid. Just what I wanted.

With the trip being so close, I thought I would put together a handy packing list for B. This way, he knows exactly what to bring and can get a sense of what might be happening that weekend.

1. You have to bring your tear-away pants. Be sure to bring the fancy ones, I don't want it looking like you are about to jump on the basketball court. Thunder From Down Under keeps it classy.

2.  Hand sanitizer. I can't guarantee the cleanliness of the some of things that you will be doing. You don't want to catch a cold or anything.

3. Your inhaler. I don't think you have asthma, but when we're done with you, you might have trouble catching your breath.

4.  Road flares. You never know, do you?

5.  Cattle guard. I've seen you drive and we know you once ran through about 450 cows in one swipe. Better to be safe that sorry.

6.  Clothes pins. I can't tell you know what you need them for, but trust me.

7.  A small kite. I hear there is a nice long stretch of road. We might have a convertible. Who doesn't love kite flying from a convertible?

8.  $25,000 bail money. Again, better to be safe than sorry. But I did look up all the laws in Vegas and I think for about 85% of them, $25,000 should bail you out.

9.  Novelty t-shirt announcing bachelor party.

10. Throat lozenges. There will be screaming. Again, I can't tell you from what, but you'll feel it the next day.

Oh sure, you can bring toiletries and some clothes if you need. But as long as you follow my list, you should be just fine. Good luck little man.

The Odds Are In Your Favor *OR* You Can Count On It

It has been established that we are joining B in Las Vegas for his bachelor party. I'm sure you have some very distinct images of a bachelor party in Vegas. A little gambling, some drinking, a lot of saying "THIS GUY....THIS GUY HERE.....HE'S MY BEST FRIEND...AND I'LL FIGHT YOU ABOUT IT," maybe a strip club, and something to do with Mike Tyson.

This may or may not hold true for B's party. I guess some of us will just have to wait and see.

What is Vegas without some gambling? Sure, you could be a sucker and hit the tables or bet on the ponies. Me, I think I will bet on my friends. I've only known these guys for 20 years. I can predict their behavior and everything. So here is a list of things that will be happening while we are in Vegas. Granted, most of this could happen if we were in Branson or Duarte.

• Paul will wander off from the group [probably at least once a day].
• B will wake up before 8:00am and immediately want to eat.
• B & Paul will walk the Vegas strip before 8:30am, but not because they stayed up all night.
• Greg and I will sleep in until at least 9:30am. But not because we stayed up all night.
• I will complain about something at least once a day. Most likely the smoke in the Vegas.
• Red meat will be consumed. We will all regret it later that night. Pepcid, Tums, or GasX will be taken.
• B & Paul will turn their head at every siren they hear.
• Greg will examine the little flyers handed out in the street. Not because of what they advertise, but because of the type of paper and printing technique.
• I will flick Paul in the chest.
• B will regale us with stories about where he has taken Corrin. We will tune it out.
• We will all remember the time we went in the gliders and made loop after loop after loop.
• Greg and I will go the Ferrari dealership.
• B will be bringing a grip of singles to Thunder From Down Under and walk away empty handed and embarrassed. 
• We will meet a celebrity chef. I will talk about Top Chef with them.

Now, you can make your own bingo card and play along at home. Maybe I will tweet when these things happen. Feel free to make your own spaces and add your own speculations.

Don't forget, you'll have another opportunity to play bingo at the wedding. Just search this blog for it.

Turn It Up, It's Freedom Rock *OR* I Remember This Song, It Stinks!

Greetings from 2012. I'll bet your New Year's resolution was to read this blog more often and maybe even contribute an article. Let's make that happen, shall we?

With 2012 here we are in the wedding year of B and Corrin (also known as Radio). It's finally here and in a few short months I can abandon this blog and send it to the graveyard or have a funeral pyre.

You bring the marshmallows and I'll bring the gasoline.

Also with 2012 comes B's bachelor party. We've teased a bunch about activities and locations for this little event (keyword: little). As B knows, since he is making the reservations, we are headed off to Loss Vay Gus (that's Las Vegas to those outside of the know). Yes, Sin City. What better place for a Mormon guy like myself than a city that prides itself on sin and doing things that I can't do? Can you believe I've gone this entire blog without mentioning the Mormon thing? I can.

In anticipation of this event, I put together a little CD for B and the other groomsdudes and sent it off. This has all of your party rock favorites, some classics from our earlier days, and a few songs about Loss Vay Gus. It is such a good mix that I have good news for Radio: you don't need a DJ. Just put this CD on (or use the playlist) and let the evening roll on. It's got such hits as "Viva Las Vegas" from Elvis.



Oh sure, this isn't the Elvis version, but this may be better.

And then for the entrepanuer in all of us, there's the Reverend Horton Heat's "Bales Of Cocaine."



Classic song. Then there is a song that Greg and I used to try to sing, but I can't hit those high notes at all: Prince's "Kiss."


(I don't want to get sued by the sign formally known as Prince)

And then what Brent Lee event would be complete without some Vanilla Ice? It would be nothing, that's what. So of course, we had to include:



By the way, you know you're a badass when you spraypaint in neon colors.

Now that there is a soundtrack for our trip, we need to find some things to do. Sadly, I can't tell you now because it would spoil the surprise for B. I can give you two hints:
1. It start's with "T"
2. It rhymes with "Blunder from Down Under"

With a soundtrack like that, four guys like us, and a chance of seeing some of Australia's finest export it is sure to be an unforgettable weekend. Sorry B.