Pack It Up, Pack It In *OR* Do I Really 4 Pairs Of White Nikes?

It is so close, I can taste it. Scratch that. It is so close, I can smell it. Yup, that sounds about right.  The bachelor party is nearly upon us. Let the mild-mannered debauchery begin!

It seems it will be me, Zach Morris, a small bale of hay, a pretzel, and some bottles of liquid. Just what I wanted.

With the trip being so close, I thought I would put together a handy packing list for B. This way, he knows exactly what to bring and can get a sense of what might be happening that weekend.

1. You have to bring your tear-away pants. Be sure to bring the fancy ones, I don't want it looking like you are about to jump on the basketball court. Thunder From Down Under keeps it classy.

2.  Hand sanitizer. I can't guarantee the cleanliness of the some of things that you will be doing. You don't want to catch a cold or anything.

3. Your inhaler. I don't think you have asthma, but when we're done with you, you might have trouble catching your breath.

4.  Road flares. You never know, do you?

5.  Cattle guard. I've seen you drive and we know you once ran through about 450 cows in one swipe. Better to be safe that sorry.

6.  Clothes pins. I can't tell you know what you need them for, but trust me.

7.  A small kite. I hear there is a nice long stretch of road. We might have a convertible. Who doesn't love kite flying from a convertible?

8.  $25,000 bail money. Again, better to be safe than sorry. But I did look up all the laws in Vegas and I think for about 85% of them, $25,000 should bail you out.

9.  Novelty t-shirt announcing bachelor party.

10. Throat lozenges. There will be screaming. Again, I can't tell you from what, but you'll feel it the next day.

Oh sure, you can bring toiletries and some clothes if you need. But as long as you follow my list, you should be just fine. Good luck little man.