I Wouldn't Do That If I Were You *OR* She's No Lady, She's My Wife

The second part of the title is a song lyric, calm down everyone. In our last blog we talked about things that you should not talk about during the nuptials and reception of Senor B and Senorita Corrin. This time, let's jot down some things that you should not DO during the wedding. I don't want you to embarrass yourself or have B and Corrin regret inviting you (like they already do with me).

Without further fanfare, here is a tidy little list of things to stay away from:

• Don't dunk your head in the punch. Wait, do they serve punch at weddings?
• Don't tackle the bride. It will be entertaining for us when she beats you down, but you will have messed up her hair. You may, however, tackle the groom.
• Try not to look better than the wedding couple. I am already at a disadvantage for this, but I will try to slum it up a little bit for you.
• Don't request "The Macarena" be played. I will beat you down. 
• Don't start a food fight. Well.....let me think about that one a bit.
• Don't feel up the groom. He is a little touchy about his personal space.
• Don't keep clinking glasses waiting for them to kiss. This is a family wedding, let's keep it PG folks.
• Don't stuff your purse with shrimp. Ask politely for a bag.
• Don't take more than two wine bottles home with you. Have the rest shipped. Seriously people, you don't want to look like a drunk.
• Don't step on Greg. You will find yourself in a world of hurt quickly, and then he will tweet about it.
• Stay away from the guy live-blogging. I have a lot of work to do that day.
• You may stand up at the part of the wedding where they ask if anyone has any reasons for this couple to not be wed. Just be prepared for the backlash. Think back to how the U.S. stopped Sadam in Kuwait the first time.
• If you must Boot-Scoot-Boogie, do it safely.
• Try to keep your pictures of me to a minimum. I will always look this good.

So there you have it, a few lists for wedding decorum. Next time I will take you behind the scenes of the offices at Downward Brent Lee.