It is so close, I can taste it. Scratch that. It is so close, I can smell it. Yup, that sounds about right. The bachelor party is nearly upon us. Let the mild-mannered debauchery begin!
It seems it will be me, Zach Morris, a small bale of hay, a pretzel, and some bottles of liquid. Just what I wanted.
With the trip being so close, I thought I would put together a handy packing list for B. This way, he knows exactly what to bring and can get a sense of what might be happening that weekend.
1. You have to bring your tear-away pants. Be sure to bring the fancy ones, I don't want it looking like you are about to jump on the basketball court. Thunder From Down Under keeps it classy.
2. Hand sanitizer. I can't guarantee the cleanliness of the some of things that you will be doing. You don't want to catch a cold or anything.
3. Your inhaler. I don't think you have asthma, but when we're done with you, you might have trouble catching your breath.
4. Road flares. You never know, do you?
5. Cattle guard. I've seen you drive and we know you once ran through about 450 cows in one swipe. Better to be safe that sorry.
6. Clothes pins. I can't tell you know what you need them for, but trust me.
7. A small kite. I hear there is a nice long stretch of road. We might have a convertible. Who doesn't love kite flying from a convertible?
8. $25,000 bail money. Again, better to be safe than sorry. But I did look up all the laws in Vegas and I think for about 85% of them, $25,000 should bail you out.
9. Novelty t-shirt announcing bachelor party.
10. Throat lozenges. There will be screaming. Again, I can't tell you from what, but you'll feel it the next day.
Oh sure, you can bring toiletries and some clothes if you need. But as long as you follow my list, you should be just fine. Good luck little man.
It has been established that we are joining B in Las Vegas for his bachelor party. I'm sure you have some very distinct images of a bachelor party in Vegas. A little gambling, some drinking, a lot of saying "THIS GUY....THIS GUY HERE.....HE'S MY BEST FRIEND...AND I'LL FIGHT YOU ABOUT IT," maybe a strip club, and something to do with Mike Tyson.
This may or may not hold true for B's party. I guess some of us will just have to wait and see.
What is Vegas without some gambling? Sure, you could be a sucker and hit the tables or bet on the ponies. Me, I think I will bet on my friends. I've only known these guys for 20 years. I can predict their behavior and everything. So here is a list of things that will be happening while we are in Vegas. Granted, most of this could happen if we were in Branson or Duarte.
Paul will wander off from the group [probably at least once a day].
B will wake up before 8:00am and immediately want to eat.
B & Paul will walk the Vegas strip before 8:30am, but not because they stayed up all night.
Greg and I will sleep in until at least 9:30am. But not because we stayed up all night.
I will complain about something at least once a day. Most likely the smoke in the Vegas.
Red meat will be consumed. We will all regret it later that night. Pepcid, Tums, or GasX will be taken.
B & Paul will turn their head at every siren they hear.
Greg will examine the little flyers handed out in the street. Not because of what they advertise, but because of the type of paper and printing technique.
I will flick Paul in the chest.
B will regale us with stories about where he has taken Corrin. We will tune it out.
We will all remember the time we went in the gliders and made loop after loop after loop.
Greg and I will go the Ferrari dealership.
B will be bringing a grip of singles to Thunder From Down Under and walk away empty handed and embarrassed.
We will meet a celebrity chef. I will talk about Top Chef with them.
Now, you can make your own bingo card and play along at home. Maybe I will tweet when these things happen. Feel free to make your own spaces and add your own speculations.
Don't forget, you'll have another opportunity to play bingo at the wedding. Just search this blog for it.
Greetings from 2012. I'll bet your New Year's resolution was to read this blog more often and maybe even contribute an article. Let's make that happen, shall we?
With 2012 here we are in the wedding year of B and Corrin (also known as Radio). It's finally here and in a few short months I can abandon this blog and send it to the graveyard or have a funeral pyre.
You bring the marshmallows and I'll bring the gasoline.
Also with 2012 comes B's bachelor party. We've teased a bunch about activities and locations for this little event (keyword: little). As B knows, since he is making the reservations, we are headed off to Loss Vay Gus (that's Las Vegas to those outside of the know). Yes, Sin City. What better place for a Mormon guy like myself than a city that prides itself on sin and doing things that I can't do? Can you believe I've gone this entire blog without mentioning the Mormon thing? I can.
In anticipation of this event, I put together a little CD for B and the other groomsdudes and sent it off. This has all of your party rock favorites, some classics from our earlier days, and a few songs about Loss Vay Gus. It is such a good mix that I have good news for Radio: you don't need a DJ. Just put this CD on (or use the playlist) and let the evening roll on. It's got such hits as "Viva Las Vegas" from Elvis.
Oh sure, this isn't the Elvis version, but this may be better.
And then for the entrepanuer in all of us, there's the Reverend Horton Heat's "Bales Of Cocaine."
Classic song. Then there is a song that Greg and I used to try to sing, but I can't hit those high notes at all: Prince's "Kiss."
(I don't want to get sued by the sign formally known as Prince)
And then what Brent Lee event would be complete without some Vanilla Ice? It would be nothing, that's what. So of course, we had to include:
By the way, you know you're a badass when you spraypaint in neon colors.
Now that there is a soundtrack for our trip, we need to find some things to do. Sadly, I can't tell you now because it would spoil the surprise for B. I can give you two hints:
1. It start's with "T"
2. It rhymes with "Blunder from Down Under"
With a soundtrack like that, four guys like us, and a chance of seeing some of Australia's finest export it is sure to be an unforgettable weekend. Sorry B.
